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My life is not your life

My life is not your life

So, I’m looking at some of the comments and emails that are flooding my inbox demanding to know all the inner workings of my life when I had the abortion that saved my life. And I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation, but there seems to be an ongoing assumption that I had tons of family support, disposable income in abundance, and that my two kids were self sufficient. At the time my oldest was 8 and my youngest was 1 1/2. My friends are supportive, and one of them stepped in to take care of my kids that night but I’ve never had the kind of family of origin that will pitch in to help me (or each other) with more than the most basic things most of the time. It was better before my grandmother passed away, but she’s been gone a while now and without her we’re not a close family by any stretch of the imagination.

When I say my family will help, I’m mostly referring to my aunts or my husband’s family. My parents? They aren’t helpful. They got the phone call that I was in trouble while they were en route to St Louis for a televangelist’s convention. They suggested I call someone else to come get my kids, and then they continued their drive to St. Louis. I did get a phone call from my mother the night after the surgery. She was more concerned with me interrupting her weekend away than anything else as far as I could tell from the conversation. Admittedly I stopped listening after she launched into her latest version of ” This would be shocking, but this is the same woman that didn’t bother to name me and then got mad when I was 13 and filled out my own birth certificate with the name I’d been using at school instead of the moniker she’d always planned to saddle me with so I wasn’t shocked. It was the last straw for our already tenuous relationship, but that’s a story for another blog.

On the disposable income front…at that point we were a one income family and just barely getting by on that one income. It was cheaper for me to stay home with our two kids (childcare costs in Chicago are astronomical), but that also meant we had very little wiggle room financially. So, there was no question of my husband taking off work for weeks on end to allow me to stay in bed all day every day. And while his family will help to their best abilities, they have their own households to run and must go to their jobs too if they want to pay their bills. Same thing with our friends. I don’t know where people live that folks can just stop working and keep living, but I don’t live there.

Someone else asked why I didn’t take my kids with me to the hospital. Aside from not wanting to traumatize them, there was also the part where my oldest was at school. We lived close enough to his school that he could walk home, but having him come home to an empty house was not an option. Nor was waiting for him to get home since you know, I was bleeding profusely and all. My friend cleaned my blood off the walls and hid my sheets so that my son wouldn’t be scared. As for the demands that I have a c-section just in case a micro-preemie could have survived? You should go look at the survival rates for 20 week preemies again. Death wasn’t going to be averted, it was just a question of whether we both died. There seems to be this assumption that major surgery was a better idea than a less invasive procedure. Umm..no. The first thing discussed when I got to the hospital was the lack of viability for a child born at that point, then there was the part where I was in active labor & had no amniotic fluid when they did the ultrasound. But hey, go ahead and assume you know every detail of what was going on in my life so you can pass judgment on the decisions made by the person actually living it.

Lastly, no I wasn’t paid by Salon or anyone else to write that post. It’s not fiction, and the title of my blog isn’t an indication that my nonfiction should be taken with a grain of salt. It is an indication that I’m a published author of fiction and non fiction. The idea that this was a publicity stunt is laughable. I don’t know what planet some of the folks making that comment are on, but on no planet that I work on is having a blog post about a tragedy a way to boost attention for a closed company. Yes, I said closed. Verb Noire is defunct and has been for some time. My writing career has been developing for years and really, I know enough people to have a good chance at selling the book I’m working on.

Mind you, I wrote that post after an argument on Facebook with someone who insisted (as many people do) that abortion is not a medical procedure and that no one ever needs one. I posted it on my personal blogs & on a blog that I co write with several other angry black women. Most of my posts are made in a similar fashion. Most do not go particularly viral. This one has, and yes I did put myself out there when I agreed to let Salon re-post it. Not for an agenda, but simply to write what happened to me and talk about the fallacy in “No abortion is ever necessary” arguments. Did we file a lawsuit? No. I had a lot of other things to do (like mourn and heal) and the hospital staff that did eventually treat me encouraged me to go through internal channels so that patient care would be improved. I did that, and then for the sake of my sanity and my family I put away what happened to me and got on with the business of living my life.

Some say I should name and shame the doctor that refused to do the procedure. If I knew why he refused I might have done just that, but since I know that there are many possible reasons that he did not do it? I’ve left him to deal with the internal procedures in place. Same thing with the hospital where this happened. I could name it (funnily enough many people have correctly guessed and more than a few remember me naming it when it happened), but I didn’t write this post to shame the hospital any more than I wrote it to shame the doctor. Hard concept to grasp for some, but this post wasn’t about revenge or money. It was about me coming to terms with what happened and about my disdain for a particular pro-life argument. Believe it, don’t believe it. That’s up to you. My life will go on either way.

90 comments to My life is not your life

  • Qalil

    There is one thing the Internet has done, allow hateful people to hide behind a made up name so they can spew the hatefulness they have into the World.

    People will go after even the most innocent person to say something hateful. I applaud you for not allowing yourself to get sucked in, a lesson I’m still trying to learn.

  • Helen

    I was deeply shocked when I read about your experience. I’m even more shocked by some of the responses to your account. You did what you had to do and no-one has the right to judge you in any way. I wish you and your family all the best for your futures and that nothing so horrible happens to you again. Maybe your having blogged your experience might lead to a bit more compassion in treating other women in what is already a dreadful position. I certainly hope so.

  • Robin

    I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this bullshit, and I applaud you for having the courage to speak out (even though you knew it would likely result in backlash from people with an unrealistic view of life).

  • candysgood

    “A defendant accused of an offense under this section may seek a hearing before the State Medical Board on whether the physician’s conduct was necessary to save the life of the mother whose life was endangered by a physical disorder, physical illness, or physical injury, including a LIFE-ENDANGERING physical condition caused by or arising from the pregnancy itself” (for you I quote this)

    but I am pro life and not a christion.
    so in my defence I will show you why pro lifers are in an up roar.

    “Intentional abortion for maternal health,
    particularly after viability, is one of the great deceptions
    used to justify all abortion.
    The very fact that the baby of an ill mother is viable raises the question of why, indeed,
    it is necessary to perform an abortion to end the pregnancy.
    With any serious maternal
    health problem, termination of pregnancy can be accomplished by inducing labor or
    performing a cesarean section, saving both mother and baby.
    If a mother needs radiation
    or chemotherapy for cancer, the mother’s treatment can be postponed until viability, or
    regimens can be selected that will be better tolerated by the unborn baby.”
    “although serious threats to health can occur, there is always a lifeaffirming
    way to care for mother and baby, no matter how bleak the prognosis. The
    elimination of late-term abortion would not create a void in medical care, but would instead
    result in a more humane world in which vulnerable humans would be treated with the
    dignity and respect that they deserve.”

    percentage of those at earlier gestations.

    no judgement just information and an explanation on why you are getting such negative feedback when it seems you only wanted to vent and speak out for injustice.

    I hurt for you and your family for your loss had you been treated better maybe things would have turned out different and as a full pro life i’m remaining neuteral because YOU are a life too.

    • Robin

      Reread the original post for comprehension, because Karnythia already addressed this. To make it easier, here’s what she said: “As for the demands that I have a c-section just in case a micro-preemie could have survived? You should go look at the survival rates for 20 week preemies again. Death wasn’t going to be averted, it was just a question of whether we both died. There seems to be this assumption that major surgery was a better idea than a less invasive procedure. Umm.. no. The first thing discussed when I got to the hospital was the lack of viability for a child born at that point, then there was the part where I was in active labor & had no amniotic fluid when they did the ultrasound.

      The only “life-affirming” way to take care of this situation was to make sure that both of them didn’t die, instead of just one. The best way to do that was to have an immediate abortion, which would place much less stress on Karnythia’s body than having a cesarean. Anti-choicers can be up in arms all they want, but they aren’t acknowledging reality.

      • candysgood

        I understand her case was different i’m just explaining why the rest of the pro lifers think they are right. as said am not judging just giving an explanation as to why they don’t believe her.
        they think they are right. but it doesn’t matter what they think as law in the usa protects her right of wanting to survive.

      • candysgood

        I also know that even with a c section this baby’s death was not preventable.
        and with no amneotic fluid I doubt this should even be considered an abortion, but more removal, since lungs need help functioning at that stage.

        • candysgood

          steps could have been taken to help the child survive.which the doctor in question did nothing to prevent the baby’s death or hers.

  • Deb

    I am so glad you posted your story on Salon. Many think the choice is to have NONE. That is not an option when you are in a medically fragile situation like you were in. Even if your abortion was not made in an emergency situation, it is nobody’s damned business but yours to make.

    Thankfully, you lived to tell it. But the experience had to change you and your trust to get medical care. Your two living children deserved to have a mother to love them and see them do all the wonderful things we wish for our kids. The baby you tried to keep had no chance to live, no bond with you, no memories made within your family. Your living children did and that is what that doctor should have protected-your life and the future you NEEDED to have with your children.

    Some jackass doctor refusing to treat you when you were bleeding to death makes my blood boil. Not his choice or right to judge-shit or get off the pot DOC. Do not foist your morals/opinions of something YOU believe onto me. DO YOUR DAMNED JOB! This runs along the lines of pharmacists not filling scripts too. DO your JOB

    That said, Abortion should remain safe, legal without fear of government intrusion of a highly personal matter.

    What is up with all the republicans going postal on the poor, women and services for the elderly and poor, gay people? I may have confused their message of less government, but my bedroom and doctors office should be off limits.

  • candysgood

    “In addition, if the early birth resulted from induction or C-section due to a medical condition, such as placental abruption, the effects of that condition can affect the baby’s health and survival also — such as if there was oxygen deprivation before the delivery.

    Another factor can be if doctors had time before the birth to treat the baby with steroids to speed up lung development. The patient/mother gets the steroids, which then pass through the placenta to the fetus. A very premature baby treated with steroids before birth is more likely to survive than a baby born premature unexpectedly, because the steroids can make a difference in whether or not the baby is able to breathe outside the womb.”

    here is another thing the doctor neglected to do.
    long before this tragedy
    the doctor was well aware of your bleeding and did nothing.
    pro life doctor indeed he was a hypocrite, and put your life at risk. the doctor caused this to happen.
    no doubt he left you with no other choice.

  • Robin

    But why In the world would you feel the need to come and post anti-choice propaganda? You don’t think she doesn’t already know why they’re crying foul? You think the rest of us haven’t already heard it elsewhere? She addressed it in her damn post, she’s obviously well-aware of it, so I’m not sure why you think you need to come in here defending your anti-choice brethren by posting their BS for them and then tacking on, “But that’s not how I feel!” as if that makes it better that you just reposted paragraphs and paragraphs of crap we’ve all heard before.

    • candysgood

      this anti-choice as you say speaks for her case.
      it says babys can be born early but only if the doctor proforms actions to help he did not. am hoping for other pro choice to see that even our propaganda as you say still states she was a victom and an abortion was justified. can’t you read?
      it proves there was no way her child could have lived get a clue.

      • Robin

        My point is that you could have come here and said, “I’m pro-life but I understand that your abortion was unavoidable, and I’m sorry you had to go through that,” and left it at that. There was no need to repost a bunch of anti-choice nonsense that Karnythia, who clearly already knew about this stuff, because she’d already addressed it, didn’t need to hear again. And since others have been over it in the comments of the previous thread, EVERYONE’s well-aware of it already. So why come here to share inflammatory material* when it was totally unnecessary, if your intention wasn’t to use the comments as a soapbox for your views? As you put it yourself, “so in my defence I will show you why pro lifers are in an up roar.” My question is why you posted a bunch of potentially-upsetting stuff rather than just saying, “A lot of pro-lifers think that you should have had a cesarean, but I understand that the baby wasn’t viable yet” or something similar? That would have “exposed the flaws” just as well, but without the inflammatory* language that could potentially be hurtful to Karnythia or others.

        I get that you’re saying you don’t agree with it. I got that the first time you read it. What I don’t get is the clumsy, potentially offensive way you went about it.

        * Yes, anything that uses language like “one of the great deceptions used to justify all abortion” or “although serious threats to health can occur, there is always a lifeaffirming way to care for mother and baby” or plenty of other examples, is inflammatory anti-choice rhetoric.

        • candysgood

          it came from a website i found when i searched when abortions are needed.
          i’m sorry if it comes off offensive.
          but picking and choosing each line it didn’t seem to make sense to me when I read it.

      • Robin

        Heh, writing fail. “read it” should have been “wrote it”.

    • candysgood

      the post says if the doctor has time. her doctor did have time and the doctor did nothing, it puts a loophole in pro life logic.
      the child was lost no matter how else you look at it because of it and your so high up one your anti choice horse that your to ignoramis to see the whole meaning of my post just because they came from pro life opinions.

  • candysgood

    the post says if the doctor has time. her doctor did have time and the doctor did nothing, it puts a loophole in pro life logic.
    the child was lost no matter how else you look at it because of it and your so high up one your anti choice horse that your to ignoramis to see the whole meaning of my post just because they came from pro life opinions.

  • candysgood

    my still pro life opinions are for her life.
    it’s not just about baby’s.
    though many pro life don’t see that.
    please open your eye’s a little more.

  • candysgood

    sorry for the doubles I put my e-mail in wrong. I had to post their for pro life arguement in order to point out its flaws it just took me awhile to find what put holes in it there is no reason.
    it just prove’s their not as pro life as they say just anti abortionists using pro life logic they don’t understand.

  • Um, is it absolutely necessary for Candysgood to put up post after post spamming the thread with stuff that was already addressed in the previous thread? It’s not like she’s having a conversation with anybody, it’s just post after post of her incoherently saying, “You shouldn’t be mad at anti-choicers, Karnythia.”

    • candysgood

      i’m 12 i reaserched information like any kid.
      because I didn’t know how to put my opinions into words don’t be rude.
      it’s not polite.

      • Kyle

        If you researched any information like a kid then you did not do enough research…

        • candysgood

          i did more then enough reasearch I apoligise if i did not write like any kid would.
          this isnt school. nor are you my teacher.

          • Robin

            And Karnythia’s post is not a school project; she’s a human being who has been through an upsetting and traumatic experience. This isn’t an appropriate place for you to come and post offensive material as some sort of exploration of how to participate in adult debates. I advise you leave exploring abortion ethics to writing essays for school, and once you’ve learned to treat others with sensitivity and awareness, then try wading into online forums meant for adults.

            • candysgood

              nor did i say this was a school project i researched information to prove my point. you say your pro choice but isnt it my right and my choice to comment?
              your just as hypocritical as the anti-abortionists.
              i understand your pro choice but that doesnt give you the right to abort people so to speak out of everyday life such as commenting on furums because i don’t reach your age standered.
              or speak the words you want me to
              if it was simply for adults to have opinions on abortion it would not be posted on a site that doesnt state its age specifications.
              that madame is discrimination of age.

      • Well, you’re not being polite to Karnythia. In fact, you’re being extraordinarily rude to her.

        On the bright side, I too was anti-choice when I was 12. I got over it, and maybe you will too.

    • candysgood

      also qoutation marks usualy mean you quoting some one.
      “You shouldn’t be mad at anti-choicers, Karnythia.” when did i say this?
      also if u read all of it not just what you want to read you would see that I pointed out that the “anti-choicers” should not be using pro-life information because pro life means all lives not just baby’s.

  • candysgood:

    First of all: SPELL-CHECK IS YOUR FRIEND.

    Secondly: Commenting is a privilege; not a right. A point that ABW has stated quite celarly in “The Rules”.

    Third, it’s not your age, but your obvious lack of maturity that’s getting you so much heat. Posting anti-abortion propaganda in a forum about a woman’s very personal experience with abortion and then, by your own admission, not even thoroughly reading what you posted for any offense just because you wanted to prove a point, is not only immature, but it’s rude, careless, triggering, and downright cruel. When you start acting like an adult, maybe people will start treating you like one.

    • Robin

      Thank you for saying it better than I could have, because I’ve just been too busy face-palming.

      There will come a point in candysgood’s life, probably in her 20′s, when she remembers this conversation. She’ll realize she went onto a post about someone’s traumatic experience aborting a wanted pregnancy (and nearly dying in the process), and posted anti-choice propaganda. And when told she isn’t displaying the sensitivity required, she’ll remember that she then co-opted the language of “choice” to pretend that it covers her (nonexistent) “right” to make insensitive comments, analogized abortion to being told not to participate in a particular conversation, and cried “this is discrimination!” on a blog dedicated to discussing real discrimination.

      And when she remembers it, she’ll cringe, and feel a flush of shame any time she thinks about it for the rest of her life. I know what it’s like, because I too was a precocious youngster who thought that everyone needed to hear my opinions, and I “showed my bottom” in similar ways. You never really get over the embarrassment once you grow up enough to realize what you did.

      I’m a mother, I understand that oblivious self-centeredness is just part of being twelve. But there’s safe places to be self-centered, where developmentally-normal obliviousness isn’t likely to do damage to others. A post like this – where people can easily be triggered and/or hurt – isn’t one of them, and hopefully she’ll realize that.

      • thegrump

        “I understand that oblivious self-centeredness is just part of being twelve”
        so all 12 year olds are the same and can’t be any wiser than the other?
        your acting like the pro-lifers,
        saying that there’s no way and abortion can be done because they had placental abruptions and didn’t.
        i’m sick of over judgemental high and mighty for the causes bull.

        so deeply sorry for the loss of your child.
        and your childrens almost loss of their mother.
        how scarey for all of you.

        all anyone needed to say.

  • MST

    What is up with all the republicans going postal on the poor, women and services for the elderly and poor, gay people? I may have confused their message of less government, but my bedroom and doctors office should be off limits.

    Just for the record, not all prolifers are Republican, conservatives, or anti-gay.

  • Christina

    The point is whether or not abortions are ever necessary. Obviously 2 lives vs 1 life kind of speaks for itself whether you’re pro life or pro choice. And how about we all stop trying to analyze whether this was OK or not? 2 lives vs 1 one life. Pro choice, pro life, whatever- common sense should really win out here. This attitude reminds me of the criticism I got for having c sections with my 2 kids… “oh c sections are done way too much now”. Well damn, guess I should have just died in childbirth then. If only maternal mortality could skyrocket again. Wouldn’t that be the good old days. If only common sense could make a comeback. How about telling this woman “I am so, so sorry for you loss” and showing a little compassion.

  • karnythia

    Hate? Candy’s bad behavior was corrected. Gently in fact. And the fact that you don’t see the hate & vitriol from the pro life movement just proves that you are too biased to see reality. The statistics about socioeconomic reasons? Those matter because the kids after they are born will need food, education, and healthcare. All things the same people who want to end choice refuse to support. Instead they want poor women to be incubators for the wealthy just in case their babies will be adopted. Never mind the kids already languishing in foster care that will age out of the system without ever being adopted. The most vulnerable among us already exist, but the pro lifers aren’t interested in the messy reality of already born children.

  • jessica

    I’m not sure why everyone is up in arms about your post. Your reason for an abortion was the EXTREME rare circumstance in comparison to the reasons usually given for an abortion. The abortion that you had is not the problem. 40 million babies are being murdered each year and very few of them are your situation…or similar. Maybe we can get some of this piss and vinegar to focus on the real problem.

  • JB

    Interesting that you took the time to reply to my post, but did not actually include my post…If just for one second you could hear what the vast majority of the people are saying, you would GET IT. Growing up poor is so much better than not having the choice to grow up at all. I am mortified and offended that you are actually making this a race issue. Lets skip all that for a second because the point I was trying to get across (which by the way, you completely validated with your response) is that many women do not know how many options there are out there that do not include the killing of a child. Most think that there are only two ways of doing things non-abortion/abortion. I think you would agree as an “angry black woman” that it is just this black and white thinking that never amounts to much. Woman of all ages need to know that there are many adoption and even “drop off” options available to them, but as long as YOU believe that woman are no more than mere incubators (remember these were your words) it will remain a “black & white” issue. Yes, it is the pro-life side that spews most of the anger, granted there are many hate-mongers who are anti-abortion. And another thing, who is taking away a young girls right to express her opinion? Could it be the ones who feel that they have “corrected” her now? Must have been one heck of a session you (or others) held with her. Do you really call that compassion?

    • karnythia

      I’m not in the habit of giving other people a platform for their bigotry. You want to derail the discussion? Do it somewhere else.

  • kev

    be serious. if you write something online and pass it off as truth, people are going to tear it apart to see if it is true. dont want that to happen to your life? dont blog about it.

    • karnythia

      So, the answer in your mind is for me to be silent…yeah, how about no? I’m going to keep talking, and they can be angry about what I have to say. That doesn’t eman I have to listen to them or give them a platform to say it.

  • RON THE ANTI RACIST SILVERS

    YOUR LIBEL HAS BEEN EXPOSED. YOUR RACISM HAS BEEN EXPOSED. YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR ACCOUNT OF THE SO-CALLED PRO LIFE DOCTOR. YOU HAVE SET YOUR RACE BACK A LONG WAY. MARTIN LUTHER IS ROLLING IMN HIS GRAVE. SHAME ON YOU.

    • karnythia

      I let this one through just to show how ridiculous the comments are at this point. Don’t worry, this will be the only such example.

  • Hey Karynthia–

    Been reading about the conversation about your abortion experience. Just wanted to send my love and support regarding your experience and thank you for sharing your story. As far as these fools going through all sorts of reading-comprehension fail to make their basless anti-choice points…I. Simply. Can’t.

    Luv,
    AJ

    • karnythia

      Thanks. The amount of support I’ve gotten seems to be blunting the effects of the hate. Or maybe their hate is just stale & ineffective.

      • Wow, these posts and comment threads have been eye-opening for me, both in describing the real-life circumstances surrounding abortions, and (in the comment thread) the kinds of abuse suffered by women who speak out about their experiences. I’ve heard about that kind of abuse, but this is the first time I’ve seen it directly.

        I doubt it means much from a random stranger, but I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this. Thank you for sharing. I’d close by encouraging you to be brave and strong, but clearly you already are.

  • charlene martel

    maybe if you hadn’t lied your arse off about being left for dead by a pro-life doctor, your mailbox wouldn’t be so full, you liar.

  • Maureen

    Many black people have moved past the “poor me, my great, great, great grandfather was a slave” attitude that you barter upon. We have a mulatto President, for heaven’s sake! Does Oprah ring a bell? The racism-colored glasses you peer through must come off! No one is persecuting you. Being an angry woman has been the result of your own poor choices and lack of gratitude towards the Almighty. You can choose to wallow in the mud that the liberal white men have penned you in, believing all the self-limiting garbage of a promiscuous, anti-black abortion industry arena the white liberal chose for you, OR you can wake up to your self, wake up to your sickness, and walk right on out of that pen….and begin to live a functional, and happy, anger-free life.

  • Princessrugger

    Honey, I am so sorry people are shitting all over you for speaking the truth and not pretending your experiences aren’t real. I am so grateful that you are telling your story. In the end it’s all we really have.

    And for lolz: My phone just corrected “all we really have” to “all werewolf have”. Growl!

  • thewayoftheid

    Yeah, Maureen’s comments (and the other comments of crazy prolifers) illustrate that the time for civility is long over.

  • Maureen

    For those under-educated, (through no fault of your own, I am sure), a “mulatto” was a term used in the past to describe a person who had a mixed racial background of black and white. The person could appear white or black, but was considered a mulatto. Our own President Obama would have been referred to as such. The point is, befuddled girls, the opportunities for success that black men and women have are limitless. It is only through living an immoral life that one’s potential is squandered. If you live like a loser, you lose.

    It is interesting to me that pro-choice women can be so myopic and forget that they are supposed to allow the other “choice”-life” as an option. Yet, the regulars here insist that killing one’s child and the empowerment from the act, is a benchmark for sanity. To be sad for the butchered victim, the baby, somehow wins censure and derision. As a grateful and loving mother of four living children and one deceased by natural causes, I pity those of you who consider your own offspring worthless and even feel animosity towards them. It is a reflection of how you feel about yourselves.

    • thewayoftheid

      Maureen, allow me to help you, since you’re flailing all over the fucking place right now.

      1) Mulatto is an offensive term that people far more intelligent than you have stopped using for years, you sanctimonious ass.

      2) It’s interesting to me that rabid, knuckle-dragging pro-lifers can be so myopic and forget that a woman has a right to her body and her safety and shouldn’t be forced to risk her life for a pregnancy that isn’t viable. It’s interesting to me that your tribe denies women their humanity, all for a baby you won’t give two whits about once it arrives. Until I see prolifers storming adoption agencies en masse, I really need y’all to have all the seats in the Ain’t Shit Stadium.

      I wish I could say I pity your kind, but I don’t. I can’t pity people who insist on being so cold, so callous, so unbelievably heartless to those who disagree with their agenda or don’t fit into their myopic worldview. Maybe I would feel a bit sorry for you if I hadn’t seen her at the hospital that day, fighting for her life. Maybe I could scrounge up a bit of pity if I hadn’t cried in the cab on the way to the hospital. But I can’t. All I feel is rage. Blind effing rage. Like I said, I’m done being civil to people like you. I don’t have the time or patience, especially when y’all are doing everything in your power to kill my reproductive rights.

      You want a war? You got one.

    • MissGrey

      Did you really just come on a site called “The Angry Black Woman” and presume that the participants here are so “under-educated” that they are ignorant of the word “mulatto” and all its meanings, history, and implications (hint: kind of wicked freaking offensive, historically)?

      And then call them “girls (hint: also kind of wicked freaking offensive)?”

      And then expect to be taken seriously as some kind of Moses leading these “befuddled” poor “girls” out from the “pen” where “white liberal men” have put them?

      …really?

      I thought you lot couldn’t be any more of a self-parody. I’d laugh at you, but you’re too dangerous and horrible to be funny. P.S. look up the Dunning-Kruger effect. You’re welcome.

  • JB

    What continues to amaze me is the lack of any thought you are giving the point I have made multiple times. First, your case is absolutely the exception and not the rule. I am not questioning your choice or decision, but what really gets to me is the lack of options you are willing to even recognize. There are many, many options that do not require the termination of a life. Again, I am not referring to the 1% of woman who are at risks of fatal complications if they continue to carry. I am referring to the 75% of women who use abortion as birth control. Even in these cases why aren’t the pro-choicers willing and even proactive about providing a message of choice and life, why must it always be terminate? And, by the way my earlier statement was not racist. When I said the issue was not black and white, I was not referring to skin pigmentation. You have to understand that when your supporters name call and call for war, they are going to be met with a passion to express their desire to save lives. I find it interesting that this passion is considered to be idiotic and misguided if expressed by the pro-life side but oh so brave if expressed by the pro-abortion side. I respect you and wish you nothing but the best. God bless.

    • Even in these cases why aren’t the pro-choicers willing and even proactive about providing a message of choice

      Wow, this brazen example of self-obliviousness is amazing to behold. That’s exactly what pro-choice people want to guarantee: that women have a choice. And if they choose to abort, that’s their choice, and they don’t answer to you.

      • JB

        I am not advocating taking anything away from you, but why would you not at least consider and socialize other options? Where is the harm in doing that?

        No, you completely miss the point, just like the ironic moniker of “pro-choice”. The only “choice” you are dead set on defending or addressing is of abortion. I never told you how to run your life, or what you should do with your uterus. Please stop the talking points! I grow so tired of hearing the same thing over and over again…Show me where and when a pro-abortion individual or group has ever emphasized the consideration of the child on the womb. Where is all the literature on adoption and safe drop-off at places like Planned Parenthood?

        • I can’t answer for Karnythia, but the thing that I’m seeing over and over again is people not willing to seperate the Karnythia’s personal experience from the abortion issue. She ALMOST DIED. She poured out her heart sharing her experiences and the choices she made given the options that were presented to her, and people refuse to respect that because they all they see is a woman who had an abortion. I can’t even imagine the nasty insults that aren’t being let through moderation.

          Another thing, people seem to want to toss around statistics and other options as if that’s going to change what already happened. Telling her she should’ve done this or that, saying the fetus had x% change of living, saying that she should’ve gotten a second opinion does not matter now because what’s done is done. And no ammount of self-righteous browbeating is going to change that. Get over yourselves.

        • why would you not at least consider and socialize other options?

          I don’t need to consider any options, because I’m not pregnant.

          Women who are pregnant are free to consider any and all options–abortion, giving birth and giving it up for adoption, keeping it. And they are free to do that without being persuaded one way or the other. That’s the point of being pro-choice. That they can make up their own minds, and we don’t force it on them.

          And why would we need to “socialize”–i.e., make socially acceptable–other options? Abortion is the option that is stigmatized, that is under attack, that is NOT socially acceptable now, and is getting less and less legally acceptable. When pregnant women are harassed for going to the delivery ward of the hospital, you’ll have a point.

          The only “choice” you are dead set on defending or addressing is of abortion

          Because, once again, that’s the option that people are dead set on trying to rob women of. Giving birth is not an option that needs “defending”.

          Where is all the literature on adoption and safe drop-off at places like Planned Parenthood?

          Maybe you should actually go to a Planned Parenthood and check instead of assuming that it’s not there.

  • drst

    I know the opinions of random pseudonymous people on the internet aren’t worth much, but I wanted to say, I’m sorry you had to go through such a horrible experience and I believe you.

  • Maureen

    Way to avoid addressing the issues, girls! Go ahead and play all your typical excuse cards: racism, sexism, persecution, outrage…

    The ad hominem attacks and foul language you spew only show your ignorance and poor attitudes, as well as your hatred for yourselves, your own race.

    There is no enemy to fight anymore. Racism in America, died a long while ago but you missed the victory while being angry and feeling sorry for yourselves. Stop whining about the past and move forward.

    Additionally, if the Angry Black Woman had placenta abruption, the treatment for class 3 cases is to end the pregnancy. This can be accomplished by a vaginal delivery. One doesn’t need to have the baby killed inside them. A dead baby does nothing to improve the abruption. The only reason a c-section would be done would be to save the baby from the stress of delivery. Angry Black Woman, you need to recheck your memory of why you chose to kill your baby. The way it looks here was that you didn’t want a preemie. Or were you just angry at the baby’s daddy? Was he white?

    • karnythia

      And now you’re done. Go troll somewhere else.

    • Delux

      Well, this has been valuable if only to see up close and personal what motivates people like Maureen and the kind of hateful racism that informs their attitudes towards Black people.

    • Sincerlyunashmaed

      Racism in America did not die Maureen, I may be Pro-Life but racism is not dead. Look up the eugenics movement and a woman named Margaret Sanger and then try and say racism died.
      Karnythia, I’m very sorry for how some pro-lifers are being so hateful, we are not all this way.

  • Karnythia, I just wanted to say that my heart goess out to for having been through what you went through and then to have all of these assholes attempt to invalidate your truth. (I apologize if this offends you, but) God bless.

  • I simply couldn’t make it through these comments.

    It was brave of you to share your experience in hopes of increasing compassion & understanding. Some things are so hard to imagine when they have not been experienced. It is disheartening that ths leads so many to disbelieve personal accounts when those accounts are hard to hear.

    I realize that you are accustomed to push-back (to put it nicely), but I can’t help thinking some of these comments are very mean-spirited, especially when this was a pregnancy you WANTED to go to term. Mother to mother, please accept my sympathies for your loss.

  • Trapper

    For all of those self-righteous, no-choice, woman hating commenters that think they are so very right, so very Christian and want to lay it on all of us:

    “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” C. S. Lewis

  • GDL

    Wow. These comments are why I am not only NOT pro-life, I am very much pro-baseball-bat.

  • you life also is not my life, so you should deal with them by yourself.i think you can deal with well

  • Devita

    From your remarks, I can tell you were very emotionally hurt by having to have the abortion. I also can tell that there is no love lost between you and your mom (same for me). But, what I don’t understand is why would a doctor stand by and ignore the fact that if he/she did not perform the abortion, it would have meant your death? Even in the most egregious cases, the doctor is bound to save the mother’s life. I think that this doctor needs to pay. What if he/she does it to someone else and there is no one to call another doctor to save that woman? Is it just thing to let this go without legally forcing this doctor and hospital to follow the oath they took upon graduating as doctors?

    Please think about filing charges against this doctor and hospital – this doctor has the potential of ending thousands of women’s lives and in the process, destroy endless numbers of little children – forever! You have a moral duty to step forward with your complaint and make those people stop such horrible treatment of women who find themselves in the state you were in when forced to have this abortion. It’s not easy and it’s not fun, but neither was what happened to you.

  • Virginia

    The comments have been quite ridiculous.

    Why is the government not protecting its own citizens? The well-being of citizens is the success of a country, not how much of the world’s resources we own or the “morality” that can be forced on us.

  • Virginia

    I support 110% and its gotta be tough when a storm of hate hits you, I get that as a feminist.

  • JessDR

    I’m so sorry that you had to go through this at all, that you were treated so badly during that experience, and that you have been treated so badly for talking about it. But thanks for talking about it. It makes a difference. Hugs.

  • karnythia

    I spoke the truth. The fact that so many want to ignore reality in favor of their hatred of women is not my problem.

  • karnythia

    No one denied it was alive. That doesn’t mean it was a fully developed baby yet. Stages of development matter.

  • karnythia

    Nope, I’m telling the truth. But hey, why bother with facts when you can follow propaganda?

  • How’s that? I read the link, and nowhere does it actually back up its claim that the story never happened. It just quotes the articles and then concludes “And she’s a liar.” It’s nonsense.

  • karnythia

    Why do I need to post the name of the hospital or the doctor when I’ve already done something about what happened to me? Nothing to do with not wanting to “embarrass” anyone, and everything to do with having already handled the matter. I’m an angry black woman, I’m also a grown woman who gets to make her own choices and not bend over backwards to appease bullies and trolls. Believe it, don’t believe it. Doesn’t matter to me.

  • karnythia

    I am educated and I don’t have abortion trauma that favorite false diagnosis of the pro life movement to assign to women that won’t dance to their tune. I’m angry about racism, misogyny, and the ongoing war against women’s rights. I don’t have to display my feelings for them to exist, and I’m not going to kowtow to the tone arguments made by bigoted bullies. Don’t like seeing my anger? Go somewhere else.

  • karnythia

    Suing them wouldn’t fix the broken process that allowed the breakdown in care to occur. Going through the appropriate channels on the other hand…

  • karnythia

    People can comment all they like. I don’t have to listen to them or give them a platform to do it.

  • candysgood

    im assuming you would much rather go through medical systems to deal with this matter because it would be addressed much more directly.
    then name and shame and legal mumbo jumbo.
    having a legal battle that would put your nation in an up-roar on pro- life vs pro-choice.
    isnt going to fix the lack of care, respect, and for that matter pure neglect on said doctors part.

  • Dee Squared

    Exactly! She just states how karnythia *should* have acted and how she *should* being acting now. Also, she talks about how the doctor’s decision made no sense, as if doctors in real life always have perfect judgment and are actually practically gods (not trying to tar the medical profession here, but c’mon now). That’s not proof. Those aren’t even valid statements.

    Also:

    “And she has now admitted her story was a big, fat, fabricated lie.”

    When? linxplz? It’s awfully suspicious that she includes no links to this alleged admission.

    And the comments just make it worse. :( [Those pro-lifers can be awfully nasty for people supposedly for the betterment of humanity.]

    Gosh, I’m so incredibly sorry, karnythia, for having to go through this crap both then and now. I don’t even have words to express this… utter crap… (((Hugs)))

  • Tim McCarthy

    That’s true, you don’t, but at the end of the day you do still have to reckon with yourself. You took a genuinely personal story about the death of your own child and twisted it into a “random act of fiction,” which you then wielded as a political weapon, until you got caught. If you didn’t insist so very much on being Angry, and on ideological militancy, you probably never would have made that ghastly, cheap decision. Good luck and God bless.

  • karnythia

    Thanks.

  • karnythia

    I told the truth about what happened to me. No fiction, no lying, just the facts. Don’t like knowing that the pro life movement hurts women like me? Too bad. The ghastly thing here is your behavior as you try to flood my inbox and badger me into lying so you can feel better about espousing a terrible ideology.

  • “Got caught”? Caught doing what? No-one has ever showed what lie she’s supposedly uttered, or offered any proof that anything she’s said is untrue. You’ve just randomly decided that she’s a liar because the truth is inconvenient for you.

  • Tim McPassive-Aggressive, did you seriously just end your vitriolic outpouring with “Good luck and God bless”? SERIOUSLY?

    *shakes head*

    There are some seriously strange people in this world.

  • Virginia

    She’s not being manipulative, she’s speaking the truth. If you find your opinion changed by the truth maybe you should reflect on it. You contradict yourself by being angry, bur its okay when you do it?