Moments of Fail
I was having a conversation a few weeks ago with a friend about some very deep subjects and in the midst of it I said something like, “We all have our Fail moments. People fuck up. Even I fail sometimes. It’s what you do when you fail that counts.” My friend said, “Can I put that on a shirt? ‘Even the ABW Fails sometimes!'” It’s totally true.
Latest example happened just a bit ago. At WisCon I had a chat with someone about a post from my personal blog that they found very troubling and problematic. And there have been other instances in the past, some of which I’m probably not aware of. I have no illusions of being perfect and know quite well that one can be an activist or be aware of issues and very intelligent yet still mess up.
I hope that what sets me apart from people who fail badly is that I am willing to admit when I’ve messed up, put the brakes on being defensive, listen to the people I’ve hurt or offended or angered, do what I can to make recompense, and strive not to fail in that way again. I personally only got to the point of being able to do this because I’ve been so involved in ABW stuff for the past few years. I feel that I can’t ask others to walk this path unless I’m willing to walk it myself. Plus, it’s the right thing to do, and I strive to do the right things.
It is rather frustrating when I have my fail moments because I go: WTF I should know better! But life is learning, everyone makes mistakes, and living a fail-free life is probably a lot like attaining enlightenment. It requires work, a lot of looking inside yourself, a lot of time, and possibly some Yoga training.
As someone who has had her own very public moments of fail, I really appreciate this post.
I was just reading Nisi Shawl and Cynthia Ward’s excellent “Writing the Other” when I came across a description of people with MS or Tourette’s as “Multiple Sclerosis _Patients_” and “Tourette’s _Patients._”
I was like: woah. Even in a book about how to avoid fail, we sometimes get a little accidental fail!
All of us do it.
Thank you for this gift. If somebody I admire as much as you can fail, it reminds me that we all are moving forward step by step, as best we can. It comforts me to know that we all wind up face-first in the guacamole from time to time.