First, state your credentials. It’s okay to be a woman, but not a black woman. Their lived experiences are immaterial and can be dismissed as merely anecdotal. Make it clear that you are not racist or sexist, you are merely concerned about their plight. What plight? Well, pick one. Or several. Marriage, children, lack of the above, too much education, not enough education, welfare, whatever you think will sell. It only matters that you highlight their troublesome natures. Whatever it is, you must be sure to make it clear that they aren’t like other women. They are failing to perform in some way that affects the whole of society, even if you can’t quite explain how or why their personal lives are public property. Further, rely heavily on the idea of research that shows the problem is a problem. Never mention exactly when that research was done, or who were the subjects of it. Too much context may unnecessarily complicate the conversation.
Utilize stereotypes whenever possible, preferably ones that tie into the Mammy, Jezebel, or Sapphire tropes. Describe black women in ways that play up their sexuality and remove their humanity. After all they are Other, so their skin is a food stuff, the space between their thighs is mysterious, and they have never ever been innocent. No need to mention virginity or purity, even when speaking of black female infants, your focus must be on their sexuality. If you are speaking of black mothers make it clear that they need guidance, financial support, or salvation. What salvation? Well that all depends on whether they work too little and thus are on welfare, or work too much and thus are neglecting their children. There is no point at which they can balance work and family, because again they are Other and that is not possible for them. They are emasculating and thus unworthy of relationships, or the key to being masculine with their all knowing sexuality that is present from birth. Unrapeable, they can be trusted to raise any children but their own, and are sexually available until they become sexless.
They exist to be support systems, whether for men of all colors or women of every color but black. No need to mention their needs, hopes, dreams, or concerns. They have none, even if they do occasionally speak of themselves as real people with feelings. Their voices are too loud, too uneducated, or simply too aggressive. They are always angry about something, but their feelings aren’t real so they don’t matter. Be sure to specify how reasonable you are in the face of their unreasonable behavior. Write of how you studied them at a safe distance, while proclaiming that some of your closest friends are black women. No need to know anything about those close friends, but their names since all that matters is that you have them as proof that you know your subject, and are not racist or sexist.
Contrast them with women of other races, always making sure to highlight that other women are real women, while black women are simply black. Feel free to make blanket statements about their religious beliefs, educational levels, income levels, and family dynamics. All of it is true because you say it is, and you are the expert in black women, not any actual black women. If they are offended by your words, remind them of your credentials and refuse to engage in a conversation with them until they can be less emotional. Point to their tone as a reason to doubt the veracity of their experiences. After all they are only black women and thus they know nothing, own nothing, and are worth nothing but what you say they are.
Lots of the things you say can be applied to all women: basically we’re only valuable to society as long as we are sexually-desirable. After that we disappear and our opinions, hopes, etc are ignored at best or ridiculed at worse.
Of course, I’m a white woman. Not only that but a middle class one, and you’ve already given your opinion on white women who “mean well”.
According to you, we can’t win: either we’re racist bitches, or we’re not racist at all so you disparage us either way. (So who’s generalising?)
Today your post just sounds like self-pity. Yes, true, nobody is going to love us just for the sake of it, what a surprise. If we all had straight yellow hair, fake tans, blue eyes, pouty lips, silicon boobs, a flirty attitude and pretend to be dumb, we’d all get more attention in life: maybe even privileges. What else is new?
But who cares what people who value that kind of thing care about anyway? People in general are pretty dumb, so who cares about their opinions? I certainly don’t.
If you can’t figure out the problem with your post or understand the context of this post (or any of the posts here really), I suggest at the very least revisiting the rules of engagement for this blog. No one’s going to hold your hand through this exercise in refusing to get it. Just so you know.
Ok, you’re right that I hadn’t read the rules, and you’re right that I don’t get it, but you’re wrong in thinking that I REFUSE to get it.
I live in Spain where blacks are a minority. For example in all my years of teaching I’ve only had one black student (adopted by a white family), in my daughter’s class at school there isn’t a single black child, and out of all my friends and acquaintances there are only 2 half-black people. So no, I don’t know many blacks, let alone claim to have them as my best friends.
I can’t remember how I reached your blog but I only read it occasionally when I have time, which isn’t often, and just skim it, the way I do with the other pages I read online, for information and for perspective.
I think I read it with the same open or closed mindedness that I read everything else: I’m not a great fan of humankind in general and I don’t think black people are any different.
After your comment I can see I’m not up to the level of knowledge or experience required to read, understand or comment on your blog, so I’ll give up on that, as you also make it clear that ignorant newbies are not particularly welcome, just people who already “get it”.
The thing is, the “REFUSE to get it” bit suggests that you’ve already decided what and how I think, and in this case you’re wrong. Not that you care: I get the impression it’s just a reflex reaction.
Explaining racism to white people is like explaining child birth to men. They’ll just never fully get it. No use arguing.
Or maybe it’s not a reflex action but a reasonable response to your dismissive and insulting comment.
Whoooosh!goes the point
And here’s you. :/
…..You COMPLETELY missed the writer’s point I think, either from lack of personal experience or not seriously thinking introspectively about the subject matter.
Clue-by-four stat!
I think it’s easy to say “Don’t care about what other people think”, but it’s not that easy. Yes we are talking about very touchy issues that may as well never be solved or just completely misunderstood in the instance they are brought up(in which most times they are). And yes eventually I filter that stuff out, but it’s hard to avoid the obvious. This blog is basically the average black woman’s experience in her everyday life. The questioning, the negative assumptions, the lack of images that don’t cling to her as a person, & the idea of ignoring that she exist as a woman in general. Until you’ve lived it as a black woman, of course it will be easily written off as complaining or white noise(static of course).
You should care about their opinions. It is microagressions like the ones karnythia is pointing out that lead to hate crimes, suicides, etc.
She is responding to a specific post that was targetting a black child, so this article is about that, the patronizing and racist ways that the other article discussed black women and girls.
It’s not about being loved for the sake of it, it’s about eing respected, treated humanely, and being aware of how the language you use comes off to other people. Because words can and do hurt. Please get off your high horse and educate yourself before you make accusations like this.
Oh my goodness yes! As a black woman, I have to be careful not to perpetuate this kind of thinking in those who read what I write about black women. Oh yeah, that’s right…my thoughts don’t count. *eyeroll*
I’ve never read the stereotypes you refer to me. All the stereotypes of african american women, I have seen portray them either as overachieving “strong” women who can’t find a husband due to the “failure” of african american men or working 3 crappy jobs to support their families whilst living in the “projects”. Both cliches are portrayed in white and black media, I’m not sure where the negative portrayals pop up in the media, but I’ve never seen them.
I think alot of people will have a hard time relating to this especially if they aren’t a black woman, simply enduring the experiences we do. It’s hard enough to be a woman, but it’s really difficult to be a black women. Based off of my encounters with others, I myself always feel that others constantly question the sincerity in the things or limit me to the category in which people think I should be. People ask the most redundant questions, or cling to the idea of you being a “certain way”. Then when they are proven wrong they find it hard in the quintessential qualities that endeavor my character, personality, work ethics, beliefs..etc, doubting it to be true especially when their beliefs/thoughts/ideas don’t coincide with the stereotypes or cliches of what society deems MOST black women to be. God forbid if a black woman can possess classic beauty, be angelic, feminine, smart, delicate, or articulate. We all know these exist, it’s whether people choose to care & acknowledge them to be evident. But people are so quick to point out a “Bad” black women (characterized as loud, ghetto, unattractive, on welfare). It’s bad enough that people assume we are all the same or we are just naturally bound to be a negative statistic. And this doesn’t mean we are pulling the “race card”, I don’t need anyone’s sympathy. But it would be nice for people to understand that the reason why subjects like these are brought up. And that is to show we are often not looked as the equal or unworthy of being called a “real woman”.
When it comes to the personal aesthetics of a black woman, it’s damned if we do, damned if we don’t. It’s either that our style is too “rough, unrefined, and ghetto” or when we rock other styles such as elvin, ethereal princess, gyaru, or hime, our faces are all “wrong” for it to “work”.
I see it all the time, black women and girls, so very desperate to be regarded as delicate and pretty, that they go above and beyond in their efforts to incorporate an ultra-feminine persona. Unless her features are a certain way, she usually won’t receive that kind of recognition. AT. ALL. Case in point: Look at Nicki Minaj. She does gyaru stle better than most gals, and look at the kind of treatment and comments she gets on talk shows and the general public.
I couldn’t agree with you more when you say “damned if we do, damned if we don’t”. I think many black women ask the question, Where do I fit in society? Very seldom does this nation recieve positive images or any images of young black women at all. And when they are established people still find a way to bash them for being individual or doing what other women do all the time. That’s where many issues come from, a lack of identity and not being able to relate to other women as well as ourselves. For example, I wouldn’t say this is 100% true, but when I talk to black women who wear their natural hair I often hear them say the feeling is rejuvenating and fresh. From someone who has gone natural like myself, in my opinion it made me feel a lot more beautiful as a black woman. I know this is kind of off topic, but I thought that would be a good example of finding out more about myself.
Great post. I’ve always wondered why the media is so facinated by Black women. The obession is a little disturbing and quite frankly I’m sick and tired of the generalizations that are made about us. I feel that these so called “articles” is another attempt for the establishment to dehumanize black women. Thanks for this post again.
Agreed. The want to get to know black women without talking to them so they use all types of mediums(black men, white women) to get to “know” us.
Karnythia, great post. You inspired me to take this one to another level and talk about the ways that Black transwomen are similarly othered.
Good post. My perspective might be a little limited but here goes nothing:
It seems like people like to call themselves experts on Black women, as if they are a separate species on the Animal Planet channel. I wish there were papers and shows devoted to the “lackings” of White women done by Black women who have only seen an episode of COPS (with stereotypical trailer trash meth heads) to go off of. Hilarity would ensue.
When it comes to these writers, usually they use their limited knowledge and lack of true relationships with actual Black women to pad their writings. Then they try to say they know Black people enough to comment, when they wouldn’t be caught dead with a single Black person in their circle of friends (the girl at the Wendy’s drive thru doesn’t count). I know in my circles, the other white people will say things like “She’s the perfect example of what’s wrong with black girls, blah blah blah…people wouldn’t be racist if she didn’t prove the stereotypes, wah wah wah”, as if the girl they knew in Walmart who they’ve never spent more than two seconds talking to has provided them with an extensive education to the point where they now know all Black women and can comment on them with expert credentials. All you have to do is go on a dating website and watch some White guy talk about how all black women are *insert negative quality*. Already he’s deemed himself the expert on them, and yet he hasn’t bothered to talk to one of those women he’s claimed to “Observe”.
In the LGBTQ community (and feminist communities), Black women (transwomen and even transmen receive similar treatment), I’ve noticed, are also treated this way. I’ve seen special threads on AfterEllen and other sites devoted to letting White people complain about these imagined traits that apparently all Black women have. I’ve seen Feminists write about Black women as if they’re not women but just “Black” and therefore unworthy of being a part of their circle (unless they abandon the “black” in favor of the “woman”), but they have yet to respectfully ask a Black feminist her thoughts. Then they take to scolding them like children for disagreeing on something those White feminists know little to nothing about. If you go on to any game forum and see a thread about a character who is Black (or just dark skinned), it will devolve from her as a person to stereotypes and insults aimed at Black women in general (think of Rochelle from Left 4 Dead 2 and see what sorts of results you get). None of those people knew Black women enough to really be an expert on them, but they thought they, by the virtue of being White were qualified.
The fact of the matter is that these writers are trying to sate their own egos, much like a kid writing a crappy book report based on a review he read on Amazon written by someone who didn’t even bother to read it either but just didn’t like the title. They’re not going to admit they didn’t study or were wrong, they’re just going to act like they know more and suddenly you as Black women are oversensitive for disagreeing with them. They can insult you all they want but your the bad guy for telling them to actually be respectful enough to check their “facts”. They know that they can write all sorts of negative stuff (with no factual basis) and everyone will pat them on the back for “telling it like it is” because it’s easy to gang up on someone who doesn’t have the power to have legions of people jump to their defense.
Sorry bout the wordiness but this topic always gets me worked up. Black women are human just like everyone else and deserve to be treated with basic respect and dignity.
Thank you Ace. Everything you said is so true. People with their ignorance and lack of knowledge try to assess the situation of black women, but rarely know absolutely nothing or little about them. It’s easiest to stereotype and place people in categories vs. getting to know them as people. And when you talked about the comparison of Black Feminism & White Feminism, I think that both parties have much more in common than most people think. But to be a black feminist, you battle not only your issues with gender, but also the hue of your skin, your ethnic background, as well as the sexual and negative images that cling to your cultural group or whatever group society tends to classify you as. Black women have every reason to combat the negative ideas of others.
Thank you for sharing this, and sorry for the inevitable offended clueless white people comments.