from "Men Can Stop Rape" by Joe Ehrmann, former NFL player
“From an early age, boys are fitted with emotional straight-jackets tailored by a restricted code of behavior that falsely defines masculinity. In the context of “stop crying,” “stop those emotions,” and “don’t be a sissy,” we define what it means to “Be a Man!” Adherence to this “boy code” leaves many men dissociated from their feelings and incapable of accessing, naming, sharing, or accepting many of their emotions. When men don’t understand their own emotions it becomes impossible to understand the feelings of another. This creates an “empathy-deficit disorder” that is foundational to America’s epidemic of bullying, dating abuse and gender violence. Boys are taught to be tough, independent, distrusting of other males, and at all cost to avoid anything considered feminine for fear of being associated with women. This leads many men to renounce their common humanity with women so as to experience an emotional disconnect from them. Women often become objects, used to either validate masculine insecurity or satisfy physical needs. When the validation and satisfaction ends, or is infused with anger, control or alcohol, gender violence is often the result.”
Joe Ehrmann, former NFL player, from “Men Can Stop Rape” (via bibliofeminista)
I feel there is more truth in this than I am comfortable with.
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One thought on “from "Men Can Stop Rape" by Joe Ehrmann, former NFL player”
A strong man is not an aggressive man. A strong man is one who accepts everything about himself: all his feelings, all his abilities, all his shortcomings, all his resources, and all his limitations. Especially, all his relationships.
If a man feels it necessary to hit someone to solve a problem, it is time for him to learn new relationship tools. If a man feels at a loss in how to relate to a woman, it is time for him to learn new ways of communicating. Emotions are an important indication of how we are. When we are angry and frustrated, we need to balance that with tolerance and forgiveness. Hitting and raping are not acceptable, ever–whether the man doing it gets away with it or not. Whether it’s called rape, or whether the name is hidden under a bunch of technicalities. Violence is not acceptable. Ever.
The strongest men I know are forgiving and kind. They let most everything they encounter go by without any kind of attachment or grudge. They don’t yell at people: they say, “Where can we go from here?” instead and find new ways to proceed. And they celebrate joy and happiness in everybody.
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