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Since Dr. Laura Can't Give Advice To Black People Without Being A Racist Twit, We'll Give It A Shot

Since Dr. Laura Can’t Give Advice To Black People Without Being A Racist Twit, We’ll Give It A Shot

I would have written an angry rant about Dr. Laura’s crazypants meltdown on air in which she just enjoyed saying the word nigger so much she had to say it about a dozen times while telling a black, female caller that she was hypersensitive, except I keep getting the feeling that a lot of this is about publicity. How many years has it been since Dr. Laura said anything anyone cared about? Her gay hate pretty much erased her from polite company. And while I’m sure she still has high radio ratings, it doesn’t take much to have high radio ratings amongst the kind of trogladytes that would listen to her silliness day after day. But now every network and talk show is up in this shit. I don’t have much to add.

Instead, I thought that I would devote the comments section of this blog to a couple of issues. The first being: if anyone out there is at all confused about why what Dr. Laura said is wrong on every level, please let me know and I will explain it to you. It’s more than just that she used the word nigger. She wasn’t just making a philosophical point. She was being an ass and engaging in racism. And her weak apology doesn’t erase it.

The second, and more important, is giving some good advice to the woman who called in. Jade is married to a white guy and apparently has to field a lot of clueless questions from her white in-laws or her husband’s white friends. They even use the word nigger around her1. She was calling to ask the good doctor how she should go about getting these people to stop and point out to them how racially insensitive their remarks are.

This is a not uncommon problem. Probably every black person in America has been called on by some clueless white person in America to speak for an entire race of people and answer for stuff that the individual in question may have absolutely nothing to do with. But it’s especially sticky when it’s a  bit tied up in your relationship.

Those of you that have been in situations like this, do you have any advice for Jade? Dr. Laura obviously didn’t, so someone has to pick up the slack.

Footnotes

  1. Click here for the full transcript and audio of the conversation Jade had with Laura, if you can stomach it. []

25 comments to Since Dr. Laura Can’t Give Advice To Black People Without Being A Racist Twit, We’ll Give It A Shot

  • GallingGalla

    To me, Jackass Laura has absolutely no understanding that members of an oppressed group reclaiming a word that is used to marginalized them is way way different from someone from the oppressing group using that word.

    Or more fundamentally, she has not a clue about white (and other) privilege.

    Not to mention that she’s a retrofuck pillock.

    I think the caller Jade, and some of the commentators on the Media Matters article, are right when they say that many whites are feeling threatened by having a black man as President, and the greater political visibility of people of color in general.

    As far as advice for Jade, since I’m white (and having never been in an interracial relationship), I don’t think it’s my place to give her advice.

  • nojojojo

    I’m not married to a white guy, but I can’t help wondering why Jade is fighting this battle alone. Shouldn’t her husband be fielding these questions? They’re his relatives; he made the choice to bring her into his family; it’s his job to smooth the way. So my advice to Jade would be that she needs to make sure her husband is actually in her corner, and is willing to fight these battles with her, and isn’t just throwing her under the in-laws’ bus.

    And my second piece of advice to Jade would be, girl, stop calling Dr. Laura’s show. Period.

  • Jill

    My advice to Jade would be to look around in an exaggerated fashion to make sure nobody else is listening, look the person directly in the eye and whisper “Revolution.”

  • The meltdown was her audition tape for a Fox TV show.
    On a more serious note, I have no idea why she is still on the air. It’s one thing to be Anne Coulter’s (much) older sister and play the wackadoodle crazypants tea party lady. It’s quite another to be an advice giver, pretend-therapist. One requires inflammatory rhetoric. The other requires empathy and rationality. They are different “skill” sets. Laura (PHD Physiology, lapsed MFT certificate) has to choose which public persona she wants. Her hateful politics destroys any advice she might have to give.

    • SA

      lapsed MFT certificate

      I knew she was a physio PhD but had no idea she had been an MFT/MFCC at one time. And without any kind of psychology or counseling degree either?? I wrote AAMFT and AAMFT-CA asking for official condemnation of her statements about interracial marriages and her racial abuse of this woman, and if appropriate, investigation into whether a formal ethics complaint could be brought either at the state or association level. I am repulsed that she was ever a licensed member of my profession.

  • A.

    Dr. Laura is getting senile. Someone give her a retirement – permanently. Don’t do her like they did Don Imus – give her a permanent retirement.

    White people need to realize that until they have had to cry over a word, they can never use it or even understand it. They can’t reclaim or joke about something that they have never had to cry over.

    • Jill

      Wow. I’ve never seen it phrased that way yet that is exactly how i feel.Your comment almost made me cry. And for anyone who tells me I can’t use that word I say you travel back to my childhood and tell that to everyone who yelled it at me.

  • My advice to Jade??? Tell your husband to GROW A PAIR!!! Sorry to say this, but I think Jade married the wrong man! As a white woman who dates interracially, I can say this… You cannot allow things to be “business as usual” when your white friends start saying racist shit… whether your partner is around or not!! If Jade’s husband is not willing to stand up for her, no wait, scratch that… if he is not willing to stand up for ALL people of color, then he has NO BUSINESS being married to her!! Jade needs to tell her husband in no uncertain terms that his apathetic attitude is UNACCEPTABLE. She needs to make it clear that his racist friends ARE NOT WELCOME in their life!! And if he refuses to comply, he obviously does not love her like her should, and she needs to seriously consider moving on with her life without him!!

    • Witchsistah

      What YOU said1

      My husband is White (I’m Black) and he agrees that at the very least, Jade’s husband is a wimp and posited that maybe dude was just the non-confrontational type. While we were talking about it, I brought up that this could not have possibly been the first times his loved ones have been racially off the wall and him not saying anything. In other words, I don’t believe this ish cropped up after they said “I do.” I think dude was like this during courtship. THAT was the time for Jade to be seriously looking closely at how he behaved and getting in his face about it THEN. But many people seem to have magical thinking when it comes to love. They think marriage will change their spouse into something they want. I stay telling friends that if you’re not satisfied with the person NOW, to move on. They’re not going to change once you’ve had sex/are a couple/told them you love them/move in together/get engaged/get married/have kids. If dude was a wimp or just a coward and didn’t confront these folks BEFORE their marriage, what made her think he was gonna step up to the plate afterwards?

      The Man (my hubby) said that even if dude was a wimp, sometimes, you just gotta bite the bullet and do what has to be done if you really love someone. That means dude is going to have to talk to his relatives and friends about their behavior to his wife.

      But what if he doesn’t think it’s a big deal? Just because a White person is romantically partnered with a PoC doesn’t mean they still don’t harbor animosity against their lover’s group. Jason Volpe did not find it incongruous to torture Amadou Diallo while Volpe was engaged to a Black woman at the time. Cognitive dissonance is a lot of folks’ friend. They may believe their partner is different from “those others” in their group. That is, until said partner does something that displeases them and then of course, they were like “those others” all along.

      But if dude doesn’t start standing up for his wife now, what is he going to do if/when they have children? Is it going to be his White self with his White loved ones on one side and his ni88er wife and ni88er kids on the other fending for themselves?

      • kt

        Thank you for your last point. i am a young black woman with interracial children. My husband is a white police officer that catogorized me as hyper sensitive when I told him that his racist friends family and co workers made me ill at ease. He was discouraged to stay married to an angry black woman by these individuals and has abandoned me/ the kids. He now is having a baby with a hispanic female – who has also made an issue of my race. I am not going to be like Dr. Laura but I will say that if a femaile , regardless of her race wants to deal interracially – she must insure the m an is not a wimp.

  • My advice to Jade- Your husband sucks…GET A DIVORCE!

  • brownstocking

    I say put it all on the hubby. I agree, he needs to be a PARTNER, for better or worse, which includes HIS friends and HIS relatives.

    Jade, be prepared to ask him to stand up or stand down.

  • Rys

    I encourage Jade to stand up to her racist inlaws, get in their faces, let them know how much their behavior and their assumptions about acceptable behavior hurt. I was in a parallel situation in my most recent marriage. My ex is Jewish, and during a visit with my parents, my father was his usual opinionated, racist self. My ex confronted him in private, challenged his remarks, and when he refused to back down, suggested “I guess that makes you a bigot, doesn’t it?” He admitted in anger and shame, “Yeah, I guess it does.”

    A., your observation is brilliant — “White people need to realize that until they have had to cry over a word, they can never use it or even understand it. They can’t reclaim or joke about something that they have never had to cry over.” I’m a white guy, with black, Latino and Asian friends. It would never OCCUR to me to use the N word with one of my black friends. I don’t have that right, even when two black people are using it with each other. That doesn’t make me virtuous — I just love my black friends too much to ever want to hurt them, even accidentally.

  • John

    My advice for Jade would be to ask the white friends/family of her husband if what they said was racist. Really I mean they need to ask themselves, is what I said/have been saying racist? If so why?

    Also she could just tell them that not all black people think the same and that assuming so is in fact racist. And no just because a black comedian said it it is not okay.

    • Witchsistah

      Why should Jade ask her husband’s bigoted loved ones if THEY said was racist? I can tell you their answers now. They would be a resounding “NO” and a lot of bs explanations and victim blaming about how Jade is the racist one for bringing up racism or how she’s being “oversensitive” or the grand poobah, “playing the race card” against them therefore them making HER out to be the victimizer and they the victims. They don’t want to change and damn sure ain’t gonna for some ni88er gal that one of their White brethren happened to be addle-headed enough to marry.

      Plus, I get that the jist of her complaint was that her husband does not stand up for her against his folks. He doesn’t have her back in this. If a White person doesn’t want ever to have to be bothered with race or racism, then one of the best things they can do to avoid this is not getting involved with a non-White person. If you don’t want to be bothered with defending your partner against your racist family, friends, co-workers, employers, or strangers then find yourself a nice Becky Sue or Chadrick Fenster McWorthington and stick with them.

  • Sarah M

    I missed the whole thing – didn’t hear the radio show, didn’t hear the background story (and can’t find a transcript), and don’t have the dating experience to back up a true piece of advice. I’m white, married to white.

    However, what I don’t understand is how Dr. Laura feels qualified to give anyone ANY life advice. Her degree is in PHYSIOLOGY (the physical makeup and function of the human body), not PSYCHOLOGY. And from a psychological perspective, the main objective is to provide help (not harm) to a client. Jade was in a vulnerable situation and seeking guidance on how to deal with a difficult problem with her husband, friends, and loved ones (let’s be real, when you get married they become “our” family and friends). She can’t just shotgun blast them all with the fact that they are being racist pigs or else it may cause the situation between her and her husband to get worse.

    So, she asked the totally unqualified Dr. Laura for help. Jade was met with more of the same garbage she’s already coping with (apparently, on her own without the benefit of her husband being a real partner in the marriage).

    I would recommend seeking help from a marriage and family therapist (MFT), psychologist, or social worker – get some couples therapy. Get some individual therapy, too. It seems Jade needs a confidence boost in her own life and that means dealing with her own personal issues (identifying herself as a Black Woman – owning that and all that comes with it, and being proud of who she is). The couples therapy would help her relationship with her husband so maybe he can realize what a huge disservice he is doing to the woman he pledged his life to.

    Sometimes, getting the reaction we want from the people around us means that WE OURSELVES have to do something different. Jade’s previous efforts to get these people in her life to stop being jackasses haven’t worked. Time to get some REAL help and develop a plan B.

    Best of luck, Jade!

  • Sarah M

    Hey, someone just sent me the transcript. Wow, Dr. Laura sucks.

    So let me reiterate, Jade needs to seek help from a qualified therapist. At least they would let her finish a sentence!
    And yes, the N-word is ALWAYS wrong to me. It can’t be a word of affection and then turn around and be evil. A word is a word, no matter who says it, and I HATE THAT WORD. The word must go.

    And yes, ABW, you are right. She cannot be expected to speak for an entire race of people because her ignorant in-laws and friends ask her to. Sounds like her husband is just as ignorant as they are (or he is totally clueless that she’s hurting because of it). Their marriage needs a communications overhaul.

    Fix what is wrong within FIRST, and then she can address what is going on around her better.

  • Witchsistah

    Dr. Laura was doing a myriad of bullshit there.

    First, it seems that ol’ La-La was trying to put that uppity Black bitch (how dare she think herself good enough to MARRY a WM much less expect to be treated WELL by him) in her place. She didn’t give a DAMN about that caller or her predicament. She didn’t give a fuck whether that caller had EVER used the n-word in her life or whether she considers that word horrible or not and to what scale. La-La was about getting some sort of petty, fucked-up revenge on Black people for whatever KKK reasoning she’s got going on in her head. And to La-La that caller was just another of those uppity ni88ers (and ni88er bitches) that dare to think they’re just as good as White folks. La-La could have cared less about how that woman was treated by her husband or anyone White. That dirty, ni88er bitch dared to marry a WM, so she deserves all the racist abuse that can be heaped upon her.

    Then there’s the attempt to normalize her own racist (and here racio-misogyny) hatred and make it seem like ALL WP feel the way she does. Therefore, if you, a Black person have the unmitigated GALL to marry one, then you should just prepare yourself for a lifetime of racist abuse because ALL WP feel like I do about ni88ers.

    Um, yeah, BULLSHIT. For all the calling out of WP I do here and elsewhere, I’m not buying that crap.

    There’s that idea that if a Black person, especially a Black woman, marries or romantically partners with a White person there must be all sorts of Roots, Jim-Crow shenanigans going on that the Black person is putting up with just to be with someone White.

    Now if a PoC IS putting up with said shenanigans to be with someone White, then they need help I canNOT give them, but the idea that getting treated like Kunta Kinte, sorry, Toby or Kizzy is automatically part and parcel with being with someone White, is bull. If you’re (general “you”) choosing to stay with some bullshiggity White folks, that’s on YOU.

    But this idea of “all WP loathe Blacks just like I do and will not hesitate to call you a ni88er like I do so if you get with ANY WP, you’ll just have to put up with that behavior” is crap. I’ve been with The Man for over 8 years now and we’ve had us some fights. Not ONCE has he ever even ALLUDED to my race during them, much less as some sort of reason for any behavior of mine he found problematic, MUCH less calling me a ni88er or any of that word’s little cousins, play or real.

    But this idea is universal. Some Black folks think you’re re-enacting Roots, Roots: The Next Generation (actually we do Star Trek: The Next Generation, but…erm… nevah mind…moving along), Queen or Mandingo at home with your White partner. Some White folks think they can say anything to you because of course your White partner is saying the same foul bullshit to you on the daily, right? So you MUST be used to it by now.

  • Witchsistah

    Now, I’m wondering about the sistah who even BOTHERED calling La-La’s ass. Between her bullshit hubby and appealing to La-La, she sounds like one of those PoC that value White approval over any and everything. They will drink WP’s dirty-ass bathwater instead of clear water from a PoC’s stream.

    I’m sure her hubby wasn’t some great defender of hers and then just shut the hell up after the wedding. I’m sure there was some racial fuckery going on before the vows, but ol’ girl probably was so damn caught up over having her a real, live WM all to herself that she ignored all that shit including the NON-action from her prospective hubby.

    How many times have I told mofos, if you ain’t satisfied with what you got in a partner beforehand, then you best be on to the next one. Because dude/chicky ain’t gon’ change. If anything, folks get WORSE after them vows are said. The mofo that belched like a foghorn at the table will probably belch AND fart now y’all hitched. If you can’t stand gassy bastids, then you shoulda cut homey off when you learned.

    She probably thought him wanting to marry her ass said something major. Mofos get married for some MESSED UP ass reasons nowadays. Hell, at least, back in the day, heffas married for food, clothing and shelter. Now peeps are marrying cuz dude got bow-legs or chicky’s got tig-ass bitties or some simple ish. So yes, I do believe there are mofos that’d get in an IRR for some jacked up reasons and even marry for those reasons. Hell, Jason Volpe, one of the cops that sodomized Amadou Diallo with a broom handle was engaged to a BW at the time. Mofos, especially men, can compartmentalize ish like mad. By some convoluted reasoning, they truly feel that their “love” for their Black partner does not reflect on their animosity in general towards Blacks as a whole. Somehow their partner is an exception (until they do something to piss the so-and-so off and then they’re just a regular ol’ ni88er like the rest of them).

    Now if ol’ girl married some simple or cowardly bastid that ain’t said shit yet to his foul friends and relations, then she needs to face the fact of whom she married and either chill in the cut or start making them moves to be out. And then, have a better, tighter selection process in future.

    But I still suggest she take it to dude in a way that lets him know he needs to start sticking up for her. Cuz if he won’t stick up for her then he won’t stick up for their kids. Then what? I can’t be in a “family” where it’s my hubby and the White folks on one side and ni88er me and my ni88er kids on the other.

  • Scott

    I took interest in this discussion, particularly because I am a white man (regardless of my Native American Indian roots, everyone just assumes I’m white anyways), and my wife is black. We both consider ourselves well-educated, enlightened, and neither of our families that we were raised in discussed the racial divide that seems to be the underlying tension with a lot of folk. When I was a kid, though, my grandfather used to throw the N-word around like it was nobody’s business, and this made me uncomfortable, because I could sense the hatred in his voice. I asked my mother why he kept saying it, and she explained it away as “He grew up in a different time. Don’t use that word.” Now I couldn’t understand what she meant, and I had no clearer idea as to what was going on than I started with. I was truly wanting to understand where his anger came from. My grandfather’s long since passed away, and I don’t have any clearer idea of what made him so hateful, but I’ve gained some perspective, being married to my wife and talking with her, learning from some of my other friends and online that may have given me some insight into the mind of a racist. My grandfather wasn’t some handsworn racist, the kind you’d expect to find at a rally. His racism was the kind of soft racism that Dr. Laura engages in, where he didn’t believe that he was a racist and had racist thoughts and beliefs. Oh sure, Harold had the occasional dirty joke to tell, and he worked alongside people who had different racial and ethnic backgrounds… but it was still there in the back of his mind, like a splinter that he couldn’t get rid of. He grew up in a different time, lived during the great depression, and the 1950′s with communist paranoia and segregation, the 1960′s with race riots and civil rights movement. I’m sure he probably heard some of his black friends at work discussing the civil rights movement, around the watercooler, but to stand up with his friends to defend their equal rights – that wasn’t his business. That’s the soft racism that Dr. Laura engages in. She knows some friends who are black, but to actually defend them is just not as important to her than it is her right to say the N-word when she wants to, and not have anyone call her out on it.
    My wife and I don’t tolerate racism in our house, and we don’t suffer fools and idiots who can’t see past the color of our skin when dealing with us. Dr. Laura is delusional to think that what she said can be justified. Making some jokes about ethnic differences is one thing, but the kind of racism that Dr. Laura has is the kind of problem that is the underlying issue with racism and keeps racial tensions, because it’s mostly unspoken attitude that fosters distrust in the community.

  • ErzulieRedEyes

    Stand up to anyone that tries to call you names or put you down, that’s my advice!
    Jade should have told those people off the moment she heard them calling her the n word or using racist slurs.

    If someone calls me names i fight back in public or wherever, i stand up for myself!
    Jade should tell her husband goodbye and find another man because it seems like he doesn’t stand up for her and that’s ridiculous! There are nice men out there she doesn’t have to take that from him!

    And the husband’s friends and family don’t like blacks? That’s fine, somebody does, and not everyone hates us.
    She can find a good guy that sticks up for her and move on.

  • Lala

    If you’re calling up a white woman to ask why your white husband has no respect for you you’re an idiot.

    • John

      I disagree. If you want to know how to talk to white people and have them listen than you should ask a white person. Who else would have more experperience in knowing a white person’s mind?

      Though I would not have asked Dr. Laura either.