I’m really hopeful that Michele Obama will be an amazing role model for the nation. She seems really amazing.

I graciously accept your apology.

The like/love myself thing…

I’d like to apologize for that.

I overstepped my boundaries, and for that I am sorry.

I spoke honestly about my own irresponsibility years ago, and I was ripped a second asshole by nojojojo…Because I refused to view myself as a victim, she took issue with that.

No. I ripped you a new asshole, so to speak, because you decided based on your irresponsibility that all black women are similarly irresponsible. And thus you decided to attack black women, rather than black men, for misogyny. Which is pretty much like attacking people of color for the existence of racism. That might be why your arguments sound so much like those of racists. You’re using their tactics.

And what kills me is, I wasn’t even talking about parenting.

Look. Believe it or not, I have great sympathy with what you went through. I’ve lost boyfriends — yes, plural — because I refused to risk my health, future, and sanity on their desire to bust a nut without latex. All I asked them to do was meet me halfway: I’d take the Pill, and they’d wear a rubber. I know exactly how badly some men react to this simple, more-than-fair suggestion (because after all, a rubber doesn’t increase their risk for cancer or potentially screw up their body chemistry, as the Pill does). I know how thick they can lay on the pressure… and because of that, I don’t blame any woman who gives in. We all make mistakes, especially when it comes to love.

But it’s what you do after the mistake that, IMO, defines us as adults. You chose to do what was best for yourself, as you determined it at the time. I think that’s fantastic. But you’ve also chosen to chastise every woman in a similar situation, whether she made the same choice or not, whether it was good for her or not, and that’s where my problem with you lies. You’ve also chosen not to chastise men for their part in situations like this. It’s as if you think just like those lost boyfriends of mine: you seem to believe that asking a man to sharing equally in the effort to prevent pregnancy is unrealistic, unfair, and downright wrong. Worse, you seem to think that any effort to demand equal treatment from men — whether mutual responsibility or mutual respect — is some kind of freaky conspiracy by black-man-hating feminazis who all want to become single mothers.

At this point I go beyond having a problem with you. At this point I begin to think you’re smoking the really high-quality crack.

Either way, it’s clear you’re not listening. Maybe you can’t listen right now, because you’re so wrapped up in your own issues. Fine. But if that’s the case, you need to stop talking about it here, and go and deal with this in a safe space. Stop venting your rage at strangers. That’s not good for anyone. Find some people who can support you and understand — preferrably other women who’ve been through the same experience, but some men can help you too. The bottom line is that you need to stop hating yourself for what happened, because it’s affecting how you deal with others. And it is showing.

Then when you’ve dealt with your feelings, come back. I think you’ll have a lot of good stuff to contribute then, whether you agree with me or not. It’s just the hate that isn’t welcome here.

Would you have found my statement “hateful” if the initial post had been about black men, and their big role in the destruction of the traditional two parent black family? Because I certainly would have commented, and what I would have had to say wouldn’t have been pretty…just as it wasn’t when I commented about black women. Sometimes the truth isn’t pretty.

The like/love myself thing: You implied that I was experiencing some kind of self hatred” because I called women to task for not better protecting themselves from unplanned pregnancies. I believe the same question was raised in the catcalling thread; I rather resent that, personally; however, I recognize that people are entitled to their own opinion, regardless of how flawed it may be. But not once did I say I enjoyed being verbally disrespected, mistreated or abused; I said I enjoy the fact that men find me attractive and that they sometimes verbally acknowledge it. How that can be misconscrued with self hatred, I cannot begin to understand…just as I cannot understand the hostility directed at Michelle Obama, simply because she is not trying to be “the man” in her family. I just don’t get it.

I hate it when people portray themselves as victims, when they are not. It doesn’t sit well with me. Each and every one of is is ultimately responsible for our own PERSONAL choices and behavior.

I am no victim.

Be thankful.

I am not involved in a “power struggle” with black men.

Define “power struggle”. All I’ve ever wanted was to be on the same footing – socially, economically – as my male counterparts.

I do not consider the black man to be my enemy.

I don’t know of anyone on this board who does.