As a middle-class white male, I know exactly what you are talking about. My own experience is somewhat opposite though–I don’t WANT a cookie, and receiving positive attention for talking critically about race/sex/class makes me very uncomfortable. I just want to share what I’ve been able to learn, and leave it at that.

There’s this careful middle area where we have to reside. Yesterday a white female friend asked my opinion on whether or not she should lock her hair, and I tried to give her a low-key introduction to the concept of cultural appropriation. On the one hand, I felt I needed to point out that locking her hair could be perceived as disrespectful. On the other hand, I didn’t want to fall into this trap of white people bashing white people in order to prove that they are less racist.

If ego enters into the discussion, it poisons any truth that might have otherwise been present.

If us People of Privilege can’t figure out *that* much, we’re screwed and don’t deserve to be let back into America.

However if I bring one of my famous curried chicken logs, can I please have a cookie? I really like cookies.

I think it is difficult to talk about sensitive issues on the net simply because tone of voice, body language, and so on are missing. Misunderstandings, mistakes, and disagreements can get elevated to rhetorical shouting matches.

It’s really very simple: Don’t be a jerk because it’s wrong to be a jerk. If you are sincerely looking to do what’s right, you wouldn’t wonder why you aren’t getting cookies for it. Cookies wouldn’t even cross your mind.

If you are sincerely looking to do what’s right, chances are that someone is going to thank you or smile at you or whatever.

But if it is on your mind, wondering why no one expressed a sufficient amount of gratitude to you, then you aren’t sincere enough anyway.

But in any case, the problem that ABW is talking about is NOT white people who try to be good allies all the time and want to know why big mean Aaminah is saying she will never share her cookies with them. No, ABW (and I) are talking about people who do stupid, mean, privileged stuff ALL THE TIME, and then on the random or strategically selected ocassion when they do something “nice” or supportive want to know why they don’t get a ton of recognition for it.

By all means, we can be nice to real white allies, and recognize when they are trying really hard. What we should not ever be giving cookies for is those jerks who BEG for them, who make it clear that their support or “ally-ness” is contingent on the cookies, and/or that are only allies when they want something but go around acting like jerks the rest of the time.