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I’m Not The Doctor

I get a lot of emails from the Contact Me tab. Mainly I am happy to get them because I love email and emailing people. I don’t always get to answer everything because, as I said, I get a lot. But there are certain types of emails that I get that confuse me and make me wonder why the parties involved are asking me these questions.

The main one I really can’t figure out is why folks email me for relationship advice. It happens at least every other week. I get letters from women who have horrid boyfriends who are black and they wonder if they should stay to support the bruthas. I get black men asking me why they should date black women when white women are nicer. I get people of both sexes and all ethnicities asking me how to deal with problems that arise, mainly from racial tension. And other stuff. Really.

Now, aside from the black guys wondering why they should date black women stupidity, I rarely know what to say to these people. Not that I don’t want to help, but I am no relationship expert. Hell, I’m not even in one at the moment and don’t plan to be (my standards are incredibly high and not many can live up to them). The few relationships I’ve had were crap, including one with a white dude who was racist (sadly) and I was too young to understand that this was his problem. So I’m really, really not the person to ask about these things.

No really.

I feel bad because I would like to help people out, but my advice will be based on nothing. Well, maybe it’ll be based on what I learned from watching Flavor of Love, but that’s really not helpful to anyone, ever.

So the long and short of it is: please don’t ask me for relationship advice. Not because I don’t want to help, but because I can’t.

10 thoughts on “I’m Not The Doctor”

  1. Meep says:

    The helpful part of “Flavor of Love” is that it helps you see what kind of people you don’t want to participate in a reality show with.

  2. Jarod HM says:

    That what happens when you become a figure of wisdom: people just start asking everything under the sun. Maybe you are meant to make the transition to the Angry Black Oracle.

  3. Onion says:

    “I get black men asking me why they should date black women when white women are nicer”

    *flinch* Oh boy, One of my uncles and I almost came to blows over this one.

  4. Stay Brent says:

    Pardon, for I am a naive white boy…why would a black guy think a white woman is any nicer than a black one?

  5. Veronica says:

    There’s a whole poisonous set of stereotypes about how black women are emasculating, aggressive, loud, opinionated, etc., and white women are submissive and compliant.

  6. Aneesa says:

    I am a black woman that dates white men. I seem to be too much for black men. I am a proud bitch (babe in total control of herself) and too independent like a woman should be. Submission is for dogs, I’m not that kind of bitch.

  7. Onion says:

    Stay Brent:

    Several reasons. Veronica hits many of them. I’ll go ahead and throw another out there. There are black men who won’t date within the race because they feel they’re being held to an unfair standard. Frankly, the black community has some identity issues.

  8. Adam says:


    You know this better than me. When you set up a fortress in the new wild west (the world of the internet), nearly anything can come your way.

    Oh…and Aneesa, I am a white man married to woman of color for over 12 years. We have three beautiful children together. And I am quick to acknowledge the powerful impact that women of color have had on my life…I do not see where you are coming from on your previous comment.

    All the best…and peace.


  9. TallulahBankhead says:

    Wow…that is such a deep post. I’m concerned for these people who haven’t figured out that you got to date people who are nice to you if you want some measure of romantic contentment.

  10. untitleme says:

    “I get black men asking me why they should date black women when white women are nicer”

    Here’s what I dont get: why are black men even asking for your relationship advice in the first place? Is that all black women are really good for when things go wrong for them?

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