Men of color are very sensitive to criticism in a racist society but they are insensitive to women of color. Therefore, if a man is sexist, people should not be afraid to say so. There is no need to refer to his race while doing so.

I’m a white woman who has talked with a lot of women (a majority of whom were black, because of the location of our shelter) about violent relationships, in professional and informal situations. I think it made a big difference that they were coming to me, as someone who was there to provide help– I wasn’t just barging into their lives and going ‘here’s your problem’! Let her know you’re there for her, say things that boost her self esteem, point out things that are ‘red alerts’ for DV (i.e. if they’ve been together three days and he’s trying to isolate her). If you don’t present yourself as a ‘great white hope’ or, god forbid, start talking at her about your take on the racial dynamics of her relationships, she might feel comfortable enough to come to you. It has to be her decision, though– all you can do is be a supportive sister and an informed resource who’s there when she’s ready.

Hope that’s helpful. I surfed over here from the ‘On Feminism’ debate– thanks to nojojojo for pointing in this direction!

Because I look around and see Black women uplifting each other, mentoring each other, and speaking out against anything that doesn’t give us the respect we deserve.

Actually, I believe it’s the stereotypes that some try to hold against others that is severely damaging.

As a culture, we like to point fingers at people who are “worse” than us in order to show how “good” and enlightened we are. Lately it has been extremely common in the discourse surrounding the issues faced by women in the third world, which makes me highly uncomfortable. Yes, I am an outspoken feminist and I strongly believe in stopping female genital mutilations, enforced chaste apparel such as the hijab and burqa etc. etc. However, some Western feminists speak about these issues with a huge streak of invisible racism. Sometimes this is directed at African cultures (as I believe FGM is only common in a small number of East African communities), but with increasing frequency, it is directed at Islam.

It just seems as though misogyny is increasingly racialized, to deflect the blame from “normal”, Western, Christian culture. Media portrayals seem obsessed with, “BUT HOW ARE WOMEN TREATED IN YOUR PRIMITIVE CULTURE, DEAR?” Less obviously, it is seen in the deflective comments fielded by pop-culture critics, “Why are you picking on us for writing stereotypical damsels in distress, when those damn Muslim men make their women wear burqas and don’t let them drive?”

The intersectionality of racism and sexism is very troubling. I think on some level white people (or Western people) try to build up POC in their minds to some sort of ideal that is both terrifying and attractive. There seems to be a trend of foisting fantasies of sexual aggression onto men of color, for instance — which seems to be an underlying contributor to white suburban teenagers’ morbid fascination with the darkest aspects of gangsta rap.

I’m rambling, and probably jumping to conclusions, but the more I observe the pitfalls some white feminists are prone to, the more disturbed I become. I guess this is a post-cursor to my sobering discoveries about the weaknesses and prejudices of hetero-feminism. It’s sad.

Hats off to Anucha Browne-Sanders and the risk she took in pointing out what we all know should be the obvious. It really pisses me off to think that in this day and age, Anucha is embracing “no small personal cost” to say what’s on her mind. I’ve noticed something about some black folks here as of late (not necessarily on this blog but referred to by this blog) when faced with this topic and others like it. They start using the same tired defensive tactics to derail the main point, usually with phrases like “well, not ALL black men (fill in the blank).” First of all, that defensive viewpoint is moot – of course we know that not ALL black men/people (fill in the blank). But in the case of this topic (being abusive to black women) – for those who know black men who DON’T abuse (and I know plenty good black men), why the need to be so defensive during discussions? If the social ill doesn’t apply to you (or yours), but it obviously exists – why the need to splice statistics, or conduct analysis on who should be saying what? Why can’t we simply get on with discussing ways the ENLIGHTENED folk can influence the transgressors?

Since my college days of attending Black Man Think Tanks (Cincinnati), I’ve heard the same topics brought up – and we never seem to make progress because we continuously get bogged down into trying to disprove issues that are so obviously BIG ISSUES!!! We also get bogged down into details of who is reporting the phenomenon. I’ve never needed the media to tell me ANYTHING about the social pitfalls and accomplishments of the black community – I can witness it for myself. Yes, it is true that as black people our dirty laundry is being aired…a lot lately. But I’m more concerned about the house keeping than who’s watching– I have to live in this house! We need to see to it that our laundry is washed. Period.

I do generally feel comfortable calling out individual instances of misogyny regardless of the race of the people involved, but hadn’t thought much before about the things ABW said.