So there’s this post on Feministe about “shorter, cuter, more honest people”. I have a lot of issues with this post. A lot. Starting with the fact that the author wants to make this a childfree vs. parent issue. Then there’s a little jab at American cultural values, and we round it out with this idea that it’s a good thing to have your toddler in a bar all night. So, where to start? Heck, I’ll just cover the spread. First up, let me just speak up as someone who was that kid in the bar in the middle of the night. The child isn’t having fun. No, not even if they get up and start spinning in circles. They’re not spinning in circles, whining, breaking things, or screaming because they enjoy being dragged from pillar to post while you ignore even the most basic concept of respecting their needs. They’re (at best) overstimulated. More likely they’re tired, cranky, scared (especially by the drunk people), and really in need of someone to step in and put their needs first. That person should be their parent. Be considerate of your child. They are indeed a person and as the one responsible for their well being you should treat them as one.
Now, in the interests of full disclosure let me just say that I am a parent. I have been a single mom in the past. I am a married mother of two now. I know all about the sacrifices of parenting. And yes, I think little kids are awesome. They’re sweet funny people that make me want to kiss their cheeks all the time. They’re at their cutest when they are well fed, well rested, and engaging in age appropriate activities. This is not a “Kids should be seen and not heard” post. I think it’s great to take kids on trips abroad, to museums, to the park, to nice restaurants, to festivals, and even concerts that don’t involve a single Disney character. I think that all of those trips should be made when they can be comfortable and enjoy the experience. Kids that are enjoying an experience generally aren’t crying, yelling, or pouting. They’re happy to be there, they may well want to dress in special clothes, and they are at their best when they have time to process what is going on around them and feel safe doing it. Protip: They don’t tend to feel safe when every adult around them is out of control. *hint hint* Drunk people are not in control. They often say things that small people do not need to hear, and frequently do things that small people do not need to see.
Parenting is work. Like any job it can swing the gamut from rewarding to frustrating, but it is a job in which you need to put forth your very best effort. It’s the hard parts of parenting that often matter the most precisely because you’re the ultimate authority in that child’s life. This argument that adult specific places are about isolating women or not treating kids as human might work better if we didn’t go out of our way to make kids comfortable in most situations. Granted, not all. But enough that I can’t buy any claims that they are being oppressed by not being welcome in a bar at 4 am. Children have very different biological and social needs than adults. They need more sleep, and aren’t as capable of processing input in social situations without a competent guide. Yes, that means giving up some experiences once you have a child. Does that mean you can’t still have a social life? No. It’s fine for you to go out. Have a blast. I’ll even buy you a drink. But, only if you get a sitter so your kid can have a good night too. Can’t get a sitter? Might be time for a night in. This isn’t about American values vs. the world. This is about basic child development and loving this sweet funny person enough to do right by them even if it means you miss out on watching the sunrise with an alcoholic beverage in hand. Sometimes sacrificing your fun is the biggest part of being a good parent.
As for the idea that other people can’t say something is bad parenting? Yes, yes we can. You know why? Because kids are vulnerable people. They need someone to step up for them at all times, but especially when their parent is failing to do right by them. This is not about a harmless parenting choice. This is about neglect, possibly abuse, and acting in the best interests of the child. That’s the criteria that counts here. Do I love it when a kid flips out in the grocery store? No. But I get that sometimes such things happen. However, there’s a huge difference between a grocery store where you need to be in order to get food and a bar where you want to hang out and get inebriated. Social services agencies geared toward protecting the welfare of children exist for a reason. That reason isn’t that becoming automatically makes you a good decision maker. If it did? Legions of folks wouldn’t be bearing the internal and external scars of no one putting their needs first.
Just to build on that lovely post below by the original Angry Black Woman: Can the less knowledgeable among us netizens FINALLY get it through their skulls that the argument that anime characters are white is WRONG like a very wrong thing now? Please? I mean, seriously?
via: racebending:
Are anime characters caucasian or japanese
The description rebuts several of the more irritating comments made by those who are invested in the pale skin and multicolored hair are the sole province of white people. Frankly I have had to it with the fucking bullshit ignorance that so many people are showing.
Also, please note that Avatar: the Last Airbender is an American cartoon not an anime. Anime is animation from JAPAN. No where else on the planet. Wikipedia has got a damned informative article on it, please, please get thou to reading it. (And while you are at it, Wiki will even enlighten you about manwha which are comics of South Korea!)
And now that we’ve settled that ignorant argument, time to demolish the BS nonsense that there aren’t enough POC actors and actresses to take on those roles that they keep giving the white people. That too, is some old BULLSHIT. Here be the Master list of Chromatic Re/Casting Posts, which was made as response to the various conversations that have been taking place with regard to racebending and whitewashing and stereotyping and just plain not telling stories about chromatic Americans, or anyone else.
Aha, you say gleefully, but some of these actors i don’t know! Yeah? Well how the fuck do you think you are gonna get to knowing them if they do not get freaking cast in the films? Precisely HOW do new white actors get known? They got auditioned and cast, yes? Who knows much about this Andrew Garfield fellow that has been cast as the new white Spiderman guy from Britain? Who knew much about Zac Efron before High School musical? That Shia LaBeouf guy? Used to act in Malcolm in the Middle. Then he got cast into better and better parts, til he got Transformers and Indiana Jones and became a household name. Write good shit, put good PoC actors in them and hey presto! There will be more household POC names!
And don’t TELL ME this fucking NONSENSE that Hollywood does it because of profit-only, free market, blah blah blah ostrich-in-the-sand BULLSHIT.
I know that pointing out RoF Fail is a little like kicking a puppy, but you know how it is when Nick Mamatas sends you a link clearly meant to induce blog-worthy rage — you just have to accommodate him.
So, LJ user torrain was reading the latest issue of Realms of Fantasy and didn’t get far before the facepalm reached epic proportions. Inside the magazine’s movie review of The Last Airbender ze found this awesomeness:
However, The Last Airbender has already caught flak for “whitewashing,” meaning, the casting of white actors (or actors who appear to be white) to play non-white characters, especially when those characters are heroic. It’s a hot-button issue that dredges up memories of images like Al Jolsen wearing black-face makeup. Of course, there are two sides to this coin. On one hand, whitewashing can feel insulting, disrespectful, and disappointing to movie-goers. Many may label it as politically incorrect. On the other hand, anyone who has run a casting call will tell you that when you find the right person for the role, something magical happens. Time seems to stop, and you feel as if the character comes to life right in front of your eyes. The character is no longer ink on paper; the character begins to live and breathe. It has nothing to do with race and everything to do with the individual human being reading for the part. Adding to the mix is the fact that some roles written for white people have been won by actors of color, and some roles written for men have been played by women. In other words, whitewashing isn’t a one-way street. It’s a difficult situation that places filmmakers between the goal of finding magic and not offending audiences. At the end of the day, most directors simply want to tell a good story.
There’s a lot of obvious fail going on here, and it’s hard to know where to begin, but I’ll start with this notion that “something magical happens” when the right person comes along for the role, even if that person is white and the character is not. Even if this was ever true somewhere in the world, it’s not true in this movie. Continue reading »
Since it’s 4th of July weekend, I thought I should post something vaguely patriotic. However, since I share very similar feelings on this issue as my friend Cat, I’ll have to skip the flag waving and talk about another America-centric issue close to my heart, instead.
Primary results are in from all over the country, and now constituents know who their party candidates are for federal, state, and local government. The more I listen to NPR, the more I hear that everyone is against incumbents, everyone is against the Democrats, and there’s really no hope for the midterm elections. Unless you’re a conservative.
To this I say: bullshit.
Look, I am well aware that not everyone is happy with the Obama administration, and after the last midterm election even Cindy Sheehan threw up her hands and lost hope for our government. While I agree with ultra-left progressives that the past year hasn’t been everything we wished for, I don’t think it’s all that helpful just to complain, turn our backs, and let the goon squad make it even harder to get a tiny bit of what we want done.
Progress requires constant vigilance, constant pushing, and constant gardening.
So, now that the election is mere months away (it seems far, but it is not), I challenge all of you to work for the kind of government you want. That means being involved in the political campaigns of the senators and representatives up for election and re-election in your area.
Support the campaign. If you can give money, do so. If you can’t give money, give time. You don’t need to commit to every evening and weekend from now until November. One weekend, one phone bank session, one letter-stuffing drive is helpful.
Know your candidates. Who are these people, anyway? It’s much easier to be an advocate when you know something about the person beyond their name, slogan, and party. Do you even know where your party candidate stands on those issues, laws, and bills? Do you know where their opponents stand? Do your friends and neighbors?
Use your voice. Blog about the candidates in your area and why you support them or why you don’t. Talk about the issues that matter to you, the laws that have been passed, the bills that died. Use your voice in other arenas, too. Write an op-ed piece for your local paper, call in to radio shows, use social networks, make a short film using your cell phone camera (seriously), start a podcast.
Don’t just shill; challenge and demand. If you feel passionate about an issue or cause and want that candidate to be passionate and fight for it, tell them so. Find out if they agree. Challenge them to do or do better. The campaign process isn’t just about sending someone to office because they have the right party affiliation. They are accountable to you. Don’t let the vocal minority be the majority of people your candidate hears from.
Try to have meaningful conversations about issues that effect you. As we all know from watching the talking heads on 24 hour news channels, you can’t really understand someone else’s point of view if everyone is yelling. When you talk to people about why you support this or that candidate or this or that issue, really get into why. You’d be surprised how many people are willing to listen when you actually just talk. (I discovered that after starting this blog, actually.)
If we don’t take the attitude that a Republican/Tea Party win is inevitable we have a chance of making the better world we dream of. So that’s my patriotic challenge to all of you: don’t let apathy pull you down.
From now until the election there will be an Open Thread on Mondays for discussions of political and election-related topics. Share links, talk about your experience, your frustrations, your candidates. We are, of course, very interested in political issues dealing with women and people of color here at the ABW. That might be a good place to start.
Almost a year ago, I did this post The People and their cultures: POC and the movies And now, on the eve of the gut-churning insult in every way that is the movie adaptation of The Last Airbender, I come again. Doubtless, you have seen the commercials. Aren’t the CGI effects pretty? And its going to be in 3D! And Lord knows that people have prioritized CGI effects over fucked up cultural messages embedded in the story before, hello Avatar! Let’s not do it this time. Please, do not allow Hollywood to make money on this character representation FAIL of a film.
I have been following the saga on the website racebending lj and website which have led the way in fighting against the BS in this movie, and seems to be on its way to taking on the BS in other movies like this as well. They have been doing very good work, and I got a lot of my links from their websites.
To bring it home, lets start with Face Painting, an absolutely GORGEOUS breakdown of the racial issues with this travesty of a film.
Internalized racism is how one personally feels about race and its meaning, though they may not necessarily act out on these underlying and internalized assumptions it most definitely affects them at the subconscious level (eg. “It had occurred to Pecola some time ago that if her eyes, those eyes that held the pictures, and knew the sights-if those eyes of hers were different, that is to say, beautiful, she herself would be different.” – Toni Morrison’s The Bluest Eye).
Personally-mediated racism maintains social-structural barriers, the result of assumptions held by people or a community (eg. “This town was so much better before those goddamn ___ moved in. It’s their fault the town’s economy has gone down so much”).
Lastly, institutionalized racism is racism at the highest infrastructural level, in which policy is dictated by racial assumptions and discrimination (eg. South Africa’s long history of Apartheid in which black South Africans were politically and legally segregated from whites, spearheaded by the South African Nationalist Party from 1948 to 1994).
Herein this last level of racism lies Paramount Studio’s greatest offense of reinforcing institutionalized racism within the Hollywood business. MORE
So I got into a conversation with someone on LJ who was determined to pretend that they knew how to be a real American. For a whole host of reasons that schtick gets on my nerves. When it comes from someone who is willfully ignoring social and historical context it really annoys me. But, this post isn’t about that person. I know, not what you expected right? No, this post is about their friend who ran to not only defend their bigotry, but to tell me all the ways I was getting being black wrong.
Not just in the actual post (which was stupid enough for three lifetimes), he also decided to private message me and went on for some time despite me saying repeatedly that I wasn’t interested in his BS. Cited credentials for telling me to change my approach to life included knowing POC and having sex with at least one at some point in the past. The exchange (which is long and kind of creepy) can be found in my Livejournal if you want to hurt yourself. But really, it doesn’t include anything new. It’s more of the same old patriarchal imperialistic BS encased in concern trolling (no, the perpetrator is not who you just thought of) and only upsetting in that way that happens when there’s someone creepy talking to you and they won’t go away, but you’re not in the mood to make a scene.
In other words, not scary enough for screaming, but annoying enough to make you hostile. Pro tip: If you say something like “That’s not really (insert ‘ism here), this is really (’ism) and people like you are just taking things too seriously/being professional victims/part of the problem because you’re living in the past” chances are excellent that the conversation isn’t going to go anywhere good. Now I know someone’s going to say “But I’m just trying to help. If we could all just look at these things logically and not get so emotional then we could solve the problem. There’s no reason for you to get so angry.” That’s just concern trolling 102. The mindset that lets you tell someone they should turn off their emotions in order to discuss an emotional issue is so privileged that it boggles my mind. Granted, I’ve noticed that such comments come most often from people who don’t have a dog in that particular hunt, and so they think they know everything about how to handle it. But as someone with a (metaphorical) dog? None of my hunts have room for bystanders. Whether I’m discussing, race, class, misogyny, or even the parenting issues that come hand in hand with having a special needs child I don’t have the time or the inclination to give up the emotions that have me so invested in fighting the good fight. I need that fuel to keep going, because otherwise wading through whatever hot mess is in front of me would wipe me out. When you’re a bystander it’s easy to turn away from the issue and rest, because it doesn’t affect your day to day life. But for the people it does affect? There is no rest from it (other than perhaps death) because it is a integral part of their life and they must deal with it every day in order to navigate the world. So you can either shut up and listen, or just shut up.
You’re certainly free to run your own experiments (elsewhere!), but don’t be surprised if you find yourself getting the rough side of someone’s tongue for saying stupid shit and not listening. I know if you try this on me, I’ll mock you, I’ll talk about you, heck I might even talk to you…but I’m not changing a thing. Not just because I’m stubborn (though I am) or even to prove a point (though it will) but simply because I already know that the source is a bad one and should be ignored. I learned a long time ago to distrust anyone who wanted me to ignore the reality of my life because it made them uncomfortable, or because they wanted me to join them in their fantasy world. I think we need a concern troll Bingo card in the worst way. Possibly one for each ‘ism though I suspect that we could just play find and replace with key words in these conversations and it would be the same basic set of invalidating lines. Someone commented elsewhere that my latest troll sounded like an abuser, and I had to laugh because I’d already drawn the comparison in my head, and then debated whether or not it was hyperbolic before pointing it out in one of the messages. Granted no one’s come to blows (yet), but it sure felt like that stage where the abuser tries to make you doubt yourself enough for them to weasel their way in and hurt you in the name of ending racism love.
The next time you’re in a situation where a person says something racist and then says “But I’m not racist why would you say I’m racist?” don’t even bother trying to talk them down from the failtree. Just point them at this clip from VH1’s Bad Girl’s Club and walk away for a little while. If they don’t see where they’re going wrong after watching this classic, yet unbelievably insane trainwreck of human interaction, you might not be able to reach them just now.
So, there’s this thing happening in the black American community (and outside it) where women who look like me are supposed to be grateful for any crumbs that happen to fall into our bleak little lives. Apparently, our lot in life is to be miserable unless some rich educated black man wants us. We’re struggling to survive on our own in a world where we might have to actually be self supporting and self loving, and we don’t even have the good sense to realize that it’s impossible to be happy with ourselves as long as we’re not reflecting the picture society expects. After all, such stellar catches as Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods, and Michael Jordan have opted to seek out women of a…lighter persuasion rather than black women.
It’s questionable enough that anyone believes that three dudes who wouldn’t understand fidelity if it walked up to them and sat in their laps being unavailable to black women is supposed to be a clear indicator that black women aren’t valuable. Erm, how to put this politely? Oh right, I’m not in a mood to be polite so I’ll just say flat out I wouldn’t touch any of those cats with my worst enemy’s vagina mmkay? I have standards for the men in my life that include things like trust, respect, and at least a vague grasp of human decency. For the record? I’ve been married twice. The first time was a hot mess in that way that can happen when you’re 21 and too dumb to read the big flashing neon signs that say “Leave this dumb bastard alone” but my current marriage? Loving it. He’s black, educated, and has a good relationship with his mother. It wasn’t hard to find him (I wasn’t even done with my divorce when I met him as a matter of fact) and he has never expected me to be someone else. He loves me for me. I love him for him. That’s our big secret. We’re not unique in this respect either. There are plenty of happy black couples (married or not) out here leading their lives without feeling the need to resort to a Stepford process for either partner. That’s before we get into what it means to be LGBT and unable to legally get married in a lot of places. Newsflash: Not every black woman wants a man. And even for the ones that do? Marriage isn’t necessarily their first priority.
Now, let’s take a second to be real on the topic of marriage. The institution grants certain legal protections and rights, but it doesn’t guarantee a happy couple or even a long lasting relationship. For further proof on that topic feel free to check out the relationship history of the three celebs I’ve already mentioned along with Swizz Beatz, everyone on Basketball Wives, and most of the rest of the modern world. That 50% divorce rate has nothing to do with the flaws of black women and everything to do with the reality that people get married for the wrong reasons to the wrong people everyday. As societal panaceas go, marriage has never really been all that effective despite the hype about the good old days. In the good old days, women got stuck in horrible relationships, men brought home social diseases, and everyone wished they had way out that was socially acceptable and didn’t result in life long poverty. So, let’s drop this idea that marriage has ever been the institution to grant us a stable society. It can’t even grant a stable relationship. And really, if we’re going to harp on the value of marriage? Let’s make it available to everyone instead of offering up expensive substitutes and insisting marriage only has one meaning. If some pop star can get married for 56 hours and the institution still have meaning in the aftermath of that quickie divorce? It’ll be just fine.
This phenomenon doesn’t just rear its ugly head around our love lives though, we’re also supposed to hate our hair, our skin, even the shape of our bodies, and we’re supposed to strive to achieve behavior patterns that are in direct contradiction to our personalities as soon as someone hints that they find us too strong/abrasive/angry/loud or whatever other bullshit excuse they can trot out as part of the effort to denigrate and demean every facet of our existence. After all, we do insist on wearing our hair the way it grows out of our heads, and choosing colors and styles that highlight our skin tones as well as displaying our bodies in ways that we find flattering. I mean, whoever heard of someone wearing a sleeveless top indoors in the winter? Oh wait, I lift weights (and kids) on a regular basis and I also wear short sleeved or sleeveless tops most of the year too. Because they’re comfortable and I like them. And really, what gives anyone the right to police our bodies as though they don’t belong to us? Whoops, I forgot I’m supposed to be begging everyone else for their approval as part and parcel of my experience right? Right.
Except that’s not ever going to happen and the fact that a lot of people are assholes isn’t a reason for black women to turn themselves inside out. It is a good reason to ignore the assholes and keep going about the business of life. Yes, even with “nappy” hair, my natural eye color, and an ass that makes skinny jeans self-destruct I am happy to be a black woman. I love myself, and I love my life even if someone says I’m living it wrong. Instead of finding new ways to insist that to be a black woman is to be miserable, how about celebrating all those unique qualities that are inherent in our shared existence? Oh right, that would require putting down all those ‘ism’s people love to cling to wouldn’t it? I guess if you can’t give up the sexism, racism, and classism then we’ll just have to learn to live with the hate and keep doing our own thing.
I don’t feel like putting on my diplomatic hat for this one. Unfiltered language ahoy.
It’s come to my attention that British pols are upset that our president is saying nasty things about BP. In case you weren’t aware, BP stands for British Petroleum, and it’s one of the country’s biggest companies. Apparently a lot of retirement money and other nest eggs rest in BP stock. And if Obama keeps being SO MEEN about the oil giant it will ruin the company and a bunch of people will lose money.
While I wouldn’t want to bankrupt old people, especially in a financial climate such as this, the bottom line for me is: I don’t fucking care.
BP Broke The Ocean. Broke it. Dead Mayans are pointing fingers at us from the afterlife and saying “we told you so, assholes.”
The company deserves to go down in flames, especially since that’s a likely scenario for the ocean. The executives deserve to drown choking on oil and gas since that’s what’s happening right now to marine life. And politicians who find that kind of rhetoric distasteful can suck it.
It is no way xenophobic to rail against BP, mayor of London, so you can just put a button on your lip right now. This is not an anti-British crusade. I don’t think anyone particularly cares that the company responsible for the destruction of the Gulf has its headquarters in your country. (Though I find this What If It Was Citgo scenario pretty plausible.) Just because you’re friendly with Israel you are not allowed to borrow their rhetoric for your goddamn foolishness1.
If so many people are worried that their retirement funds are in danger of depletion as BP’s stock goes down the toilet, may I suggest something? SELL. This has been going on for almost two months, now. You’ve had plenty of warning. You should have sold that stock weeks ago.
And can I also point out that nothing is guaranteed with stock. Just ask ex-Enron employees. Diversify or hush up. And if someone besides you is making the decision to keep BP stock, then it’s their fault if your money goes away, not our president.
Of all the stupid shit I have heard come out of people’s mouths about this oil spill — including how “irresponsible” it was for the media to characterize this as potentially bigger than the Exxon Valdez disaster2 (and, oh look, IT IS) -– this is perhaps the stupidest. Putting financial considerations above protecting not just the Earth but people’s lives is what got us into this, remember? So why don’t you British pols just all sit down and shut up. You are not helping.
Jesus people, this is what happens when you let the Tories back in power.
Footnotes
I’m referring to the practice of labeling any criticism of Israel as antisemitism, which not everyone does, but the comments from London’s Mayor totally reminded me of the meme. [↩]
I heard this weeks ago during On The Media and at the time thought that it was irresponsible to not characterize it thusly. And now I’ve been proven right. I feel good about that. No, really. [↩]
Part of my commitment to stop ignoring my poor blog and get on livening things up around here is a reassessment of some design aspects of the blog, including ads. Currently there are three places I’d marked for ads: the top left, lower down on the right, and the bottom of the RSS feed. The later two are Project Wonderful ads, the first one is from BlogHer.
For various reasons, I’ve decided to drop Project Wonderful. I think it’s a great idea, but for this blog we weren’t really making enough money from it to justify the space it took up. The BlogHer spot brings in more money. But since the code there is a little nanky, I don’t want to put two on every page. I’m taking ads off the feeds completely since they didn’t do much for anyone, anyway.
Instead of a Project Wonderful ad, I’m going to sell space on the right sidebar directly. Rates will be low, ad design will be subject to my approval, and at least some of the time I will offer the space for no charge to causes, non-profits, etc. My goal is to place ads that I think will interest readers, not annoy anyone, and won’t make you run for the hills instead of visiting the site.
Hopefully this arrangement will work out for everyone. But if you have any issues or questions or comments on the state of ads here, please let me know in comments.
Ongoing Conversations